In the morning...

I wish I could get up in the morning and not feel down.

Right now, it seems like it's the worse part of the day. I get up feeling like I was hit by a ton of brick. I wake up with an overwhelming feeling that I am NOT understanding what is actually happening to us. I wake up feeling like what we're about to go through is HORRIBLE. And it is, don't get me wrong - but I find that I can deal better during the day... but perhaps that's because my denial leaves my head while I sleep. I wake up and have to build it all up again... build that wall that keeps me up, that keeps me strong. Then the wall crumbles and I start over.


I want to stop feeling that slap in the face - it's a horrible way to wake up.




I want to wake up UNDERSTANDING that what we are dealing with SUCKS and it's going to be a bumpy road... I want to understand that my denial is gone, and that I am living my life, one day at a time, accepting what is about to come our way.