The Positives +++ (and a few - )

No, not a BPF... not yet. Far from it. But the positives in our current situation.

• We are patients at one of the worlds top 3 clinics of infertility treatement.
• We know where we're heading - IVF. No more wondering. That's a great relief.
• We have savings. plenty of them. By the time I leave for mat leave, we will most likely have enough savings for our 3 children. That's a great feeling.
• I married somebody who wants children just as much as I do - and will walk to the end of the world to get them, if need be.
• We are nearly positive that my dh can be the father of our children. That's an incredible positive.
• So far, we're only dealing with MFI - I seem to be "ok" - which again, an great positive.
  I have a WONDERFUL family doctor.
• I have wonderful support
• I think that even with this diagnosis - I will most likely still be able to be a stay at home mom & part time photographer when the time comes
• Maternity Leave in QC has just been upped to TWO YEARS... (1st yr @75%, 2nd yr @55% of UI) This is applicable to babies born after Jan. 1st 2006. So, it seems like our timing was good...!
• We have the home we want to be in for the rest of our life... that's huge - because we no longer have to think about house savings/building costs... We've found OUR home and it was affordable on top of it! So we can go through all this - knowing that we don't have to think about needing a bigger/better home in the country at one point in time - we're there.
• We currently have NO car payments :) and we can hopefully keep it that way for a while. We can manage one baby and Alfie in our little golf, NO PROBLEM. We hardly have a choice - and that's ok.

Some of the downfalls though - that we can seriously live with...

• all of our savings will be "invested" in this... that means the safety net we have grown to love to have, we no longer will have.
• My cousin is getting married down south in Jan. 2007 and would love to have me as her photographer... it probably wont happen - we will not be able to spare the $. In normal circumstances - we would have been the firsts to be able to jump on this... now we'll most likely have to skip it.
• My passport has expired, and i'm not renewing it. I swore i'd always have an valid passport to be able to skip town, if something came up... well, realistically - NOTHING will come up now. Or it will, but i will NEED to skip. And i've come to accept that - although that part is HARD to accept.
• Scheduling clients is about to become a complicated task... considering IVF takes place whenever it takes place - I'm no longer in charge. I have a hard time giving up control of my life.
• I have to accept that 4 children is very unlikely at this point. It's difficult for me to accept this - it's not how I saw my life. But life doesn't just work how I want it to work - and this is a very obvious point of that...!!!

I feel that finding the positives is VERY important (obviously) but accepting the downfalls has been equally important. Otherwise, the denial doesn't end. I don't do well with denial. It would be a false world to live in if I *only* believed the "positive" side of this situation. Life will get better - and I very much look forward to being able to put this part of our life behind us. I look forward to having our family... I look forward to our 2 or 3 (or more) children :)