Monday, May 18, 2009

Day 5 of Stims.

Tonight is my fifth Gonal-F (stims) injection.

I'm out of patience and I cannot focus. And I go from having headaches to nausea.

I'm SO thankful I blogged the first time around -- because I've been reading the posts from Feb. 2006 -- and seeing that things ARE working -- because I felt the same way when I first did it.

The other day -- I was completely out of patience - and could hardly stand myself - my poor kiddos must think i'm losing my mind -- anyways, reading that a few days after I started the shots the first time around I had the EXACT same feelings made me relax a bit. I don't really have a way of knowing if the shots are "doing their thing" - but that clarified it.

I'm stressed. I burst into tears when I think "OMG -- I'm doing IVF NOW?" because it seems surreal a little. Less, now that the shots have started - but still a little surreal.

We planned THIS cycle for soooooo long. The first time around we basically cycled as soon as everything was lined up. We got the diagnostic - did all the testing and then got scheduled. This time around, we've been planning this "second IVF cycle" since diagnostic in a way... that's a LONG time. (We had obviously hoped it wouldn't come to another fresh cycle - but it was still in our minds!)

I found out this week-end that my cousin & his wife are doing their first IVF in the next 6 weeks. They know my babes are IVF - but they don't know i'm currently cycling. I don't know her well - I wish I could speak with her to reassure her a little -- funny when I feel like i'm losing my mind. They're on my mind.... (his mom told me and i told her to tell them that they can call - but she said she doesnt' think she'd want her talking about it so she wasn't going to pass on the message... yet she started the conversation with "she wanted to know about the pain of the ER..." but REALLY my AUNT is the one that wanted to know, i guess... since she wasn't going to relay the info in any case!!)

wow. babbling much?

My focus is SHOT today. I NEED to get some work done -- and it's taking me HOURS and HOURS to accomplish tasks that should take next to no time. An hour at most. FUN!

Oh - I did get "good" news after my last u/s (which was the first of the cycle) -- the clinic called and said "you can skip tuesday's U/S -- we'll just see you on Friday!" OK!! :) One less u/s -- sounds great to me :)

Next step is Friday -- that will be day 8 of stims. The beginning of the next phase (or at the very least most likely the beginning of the many scans I will need!)

happy happy happy thoughts.

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