No need for a Passport.

Today - this is the hardest thing for me to come to terms with apparently - i just can't get over it.

I will NOT be travelling anytime soon. How sad is that?

I used to always tell people that they should ALWAYS have a valid passport - just ready to go. ALWAYS. I strongly believed in it...

The last time I mentioned renewing our passports (they expired mid may 2005) was while my dh and i were waiting in the waiting room for our "results" appointment at my family dr's clinic. We didn't expect bad news. We were just chatting and i just said 'we really need to send in the passport forms...' and JUST LIKE THAT - minutes later, there was no longer a point to send in those forms.

Last minute trips wont come up - because money wont allow it.

I have NO idea what i will see next. I have ZERO plans of international travel... and that makes me really sad. Where will I go next? What part of the world will I never see :( Not that there was any hope that i'd see the WHOLE world - but goodness i had more hope than i do now.

I will NOT be able to photograph my cousin's wedding in the caribbean in Jan. 2007. By that point, we'll either have a little baby OR be very pregnant. I could do the "with the baby" thing, although my dh would have a bigger issue with that... obviously can't do the "very pregnant" thing. Overall though - what we CANNOT do is the "we want to go through this again, and if we spend our savings on travelling we may not have enough savings for our family". That's the part i can't do.

We've promised ourselves to NOT stop living our lives... But to be perfectly honest/selfish - if travelling $ did come up, i couldn't see myself spending it on a week in the south in January. For starters - it's just NOT my thing. Second, that's an expensive time to go. If i have to go down south - it would have to be at the cheapest time possible!! Besides, "if travelling money" does come up - it wont be until we have ALL of our children - which is OBVIOUSLY not going to happen by Jan. 2007. What's hard too is that prior to this life changing situation of ours - we would have been the first to be able to go. Geez, in the last 9 months only we've been to Scotland and Florida, twice! (the florida part!)


Funny how in a way i feel sad that I wont be at their wedding - and in another way i feel that i wont because i'm selfish. The reality is that it's just not feasible. It's not about being selfish.



I have always strongly believed that you can't "plan" your life - you have to let life string you along for the ride. I get this - but STILL I had aspirations obviously...
My goals are simple...

• To live a happy life, surrounded by great people.
• To have [4+] children and raise them with strong values.
• To see the world and experience cultures around the world.
• To get through this game of life as a player - not just watch life go by.
  

That's pretty simple. TWO of these goals are being challenged right now... and the last one, getting through this game of life as a player is pretty shaky at the moment. It's hard to feel like a "normal" member of society when you're handed a hand like this. I know i don't have a choice in the matter... but it's still hard.


I do have to say that one of my original thoughts when I found out all this was "well, since this is going to take a while in any case, maybe nobody would care if i just took some of our savings and went to "hide" in central america somewhere... for about 6 months? to numb the pain a little?" Would that be considered hide and seek? or just plain runaway? I wish i had a simpler life.


So just like that - no need for a passport.