Baptism on Sunday
I'm a godmother. I seriously couldn't be more thrilled... I feel very honoured to have been asked :)
The baptism is Sunday.
How many times do you think i'll be asked if i'm next? Or when i'll have a baby? Or that I better get on it? Or that now that I have my country home, i should have babies... or that they thought i'd have one by now...? or that the mom in this family is much younger than me...? (ok, i don't think anybody would use that one, since this was wasn't exactly planned, although incredibly loved!)
I'm thinking... 10 times.
Although -i'm secretly hoping that the info has kind of leaked into the family - and that just like that, they'll have the decency of NOT asking.
if they DON'T ask - how many will sit there and feel PITY for me?
You're damned if you do, your damned if you don't. no winning.
What i'm wondering though... is why is this anybody's business? Sure, my family loves me bla bla bla... but when i have children (or how!) is NONE of anybody's business but mine and my husband - and those i DECIDE to share with.
My "family avoidance" at christmas will be even MORE necessary since I'm bound to see most of them this week-end. twice in nearly a month to either be asked - or to be to be pityed?
Maybe my response of the day can just be "yeah, well at least i'm the godmother, and well... you're not."
I talked to my sister yesterday - and I was saying "i'm not even sure what i'll wear..." so goes on to tell me the kind of clothing i should wear... I nearly lost it - i answered in a possibly not very nice way that I KNEW WHAT I SHOULD WEAR - i just didn't know exactly which pieces of MY CLOTHING i was going to be wearing. arh. See, annoyed at the thought of clothes - and she probably thinks i'm just having a bitchy day. She can't comprehend the hell i'm in - which i guess is understandable - i guess you just expect that somebody somewhere in the world does pick up on it. You wished somebody would pick up on the fact that when you're really annoyed about clothing - it has NOTHING to do with clothing... You wished somebody understood that living what we're living - this fear we live in - SUCKS and is huge. I can't help but be annoyed at how my family seems to think that "life is normal" right now - and that "i'll get pregnant by IVF, that's all there is to it..." there are soooooooo many what ifs... including the obvious "what if it doesn't work" or "what if they can't retrieve sperm?" and the ... "what if we end up not being able to afford to have 4 children because of this?"
Life sucks sometimes. I know i have MANY positives in my life - and i'm incredibly thankful - every day - for them. I have NO idea how I would get through this hell if it wasn't for those positive elements in my life. But the negative DOES SUCK.
The baptism is Sunday.
How many times do you think i'll be asked if i'm next? Or when i'll have a baby? Or that I better get on it? Or that now that I have my country home, i should have babies... or that they thought i'd have one by now...? or that the mom in this family is much younger than me...? (ok, i don't think anybody would use that one, since this was wasn't exactly planned, although incredibly loved!)
I'm thinking... 10 times.
Although -i'm secretly hoping that the info has kind of leaked into the family - and that just like that, they'll have the decency of NOT asking.
if they DON'T ask - how many will sit there and feel PITY for me?
You're damned if you do, your damned if you don't. no winning.
What i'm wondering though... is why is this anybody's business? Sure, my family loves me bla bla bla... but when i have children (or how!) is NONE of anybody's business but mine and my husband - and those i DECIDE to share with.
My "family avoidance" at christmas will be even MORE necessary since I'm bound to see most of them this week-end. twice in nearly a month to either be asked - or to be to be pityed?
Maybe my response of the day can just be "yeah, well at least i'm the godmother, and well... you're not."
I talked to my sister yesterday - and I was saying "i'm not even sure what i'll wear..." so goes on to tell me the kind of clothing i should wear... I nearly lost it - i answered in a possibly not very nice way that I KNEW WHAT I SHOULD WEAR - i just didn't know exactly which pieces of MY CLOTHING i was going to be wearing. arh. See, annoyed at the thought of clothes - and she probably thinks i'm just having a bitchy day. She can't comprehend the hell i'm in - which i guess is understandable - i guess you just expect that somebody somewhere in the world does pick up on it. You wished somebody would pick up on the fact that when you're really annoyed about clothing - it has NOTHING to do with clothing... You wished somebody understood that living what we're living - this fear we live in - SUCKS and is huge. I can't help but be annoyed at how my family seems to think that "life is normal" right now - and that "i'll get pregnant by IVF, that's all there is to it..." there are soooooooo many what ifs... including the obvious "what if it doesn't work" or "what if they can't retrieve sperm?" and the ... "what if we end up not being able to afford to have 4 children because of this?"
Life sucks sometimes. I know i have MANY positives in my life - and i'm incredibly thankful - every day - for them. I have NO idea how I would get through this hell if it wasn't for those positive elements in my life. But the negative DOES SUCK.
posted by Winnifred at 10:57 AM
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