schedule...
now that i feel better, I should take the time to write about our last appointments...
We met with the psychiatrist first - who told me I should seriously take 2 weeks off following the retrieval. So I will be "off" the last 2 weeks of January.
Then we got our "schedule"... which was entirely dependant on our CF results that we still didn't have at that point. Every second sentence was "but we can't start without those results..." I KNOW. I GET THAT. Lets get beyond that, for a sec and pretend we'll get the results?? [We got the results the next day -- we're both NEGATIVE for the CF gene]
I started the pill that day. BIG mistake - i was sick as a dog. I should have asked to start the next day because the way i did it - i ended up taking 2 pills within 12 hours intead of 24 (cause i KNOW i must take the pill in the morning to be "ok") so thursday i was rushed home - puked all afternoon and then felt like i was hit by a bus. Today is Tuesday - and it's the first day I feel somewhat better, like i think it's gone... :)
I'm on the pill until Jan. 2nd. then i wait for my period to show up... Then it's an ultrasound on Day 2. Again on Day 8. (and possibly more) Retrieval on Day 9 to 14, depending on the ultrasound findings. 4 days later -- the transfer.
On day 8 they'll show us how to do the injection that i need 36 hours prior to the retrieval. Following the transfer, it'll be a shot every day for 12 weeks. ouch. (well, if i'm pg - but we're banking on it! :) )
We need to go to mtrl again next week - for A's pre-op screening and another appointment with the fertility dr. to pick donor sperm, as a backup. Funny to think of a backup for something that there is about a 1% chance we'll need. Funny how the odds are greater that this DOESN'T work for us (the IVM i mean) than it does - but yet i'm playing the "positive mind" card - it will work - we WILL be part of the 40% or even better yet, we'll play a part in raising the bar... and bring up the odds... it's going to happen - lets be part of it :)
I was telling my sister yesterday that i was still sick - and i guess she's sick of hearing me talk about it or hearing me complain (and i know i should stop - i could be worse off - much worse off... but it's hard to stop when you feel HORRIBLE - besides this was only the 2nd time i talked to her about it at all... so that was the mistake - thinking i could share) and she got really short with me and said "oh yeah who cares, just think of it this way - you'll never need to be on the pill again in your life..." geez - thanks for the moral support. Besides, i'd rather have to deal with birth control than to deal with that we're dealing with. and then i just said "well, only every time we have to try this - and they'll put me on for about a month at a time, everytime - so everytime it's "new" and everytime it'll make me feel aweful... not like normal people who get used to the estrogen after a month or two..." but still i shouldn't have spoken. it's true this is minor... i need to get over it. but her reaction was mean.
Then again - it just seems like it's the story of my life these days - me getting annoyed at something somebody said. I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could be who i used to be - just for a day. That I could be the happy go lucky person I was...
I hope that that's who i become after all this is over - and that this journey doesn't leave the emotional "me" scared for life...
Anyways - all that to say - the journey has officially BEGUN. I'm on the pill - and by this time next month I will maybe have had my first monitoring ultrasound. Talk about scary... And to think that between now and then christmas will have come and gone... which i am hardly ready for - it seems secondary - i can't even think about it it seems. I NEED to get my act together - but then again, i'd rather save all our money. It's hard.
We met with the psychiatrist first - who told me I should seriously take 2 weeks off following the retrieval. So I will be "off" the last 2 weeks of January.
Then we got our "schedule"... which was entirely dependant on our CF results that we still didn't have at that point. Every second sentence was "but we can't start without those results..." I KNOW. I GET THAT. Lets get beyond that, for a sec and pretend we'll get the results?? [We got the results the next day -- we're both NEGATIVE for the CF gene]
I started the pill that day. BIG mistake - i was sick as a dog. I should have asked to start the next day because the way i did it - i ended up taking 2 pills within 12 hours intead of 24 (cause i KNOW i must take the pill in the morning to be "ok") so thursday i was rushed home - puked all afternoon and then felt like i was hit by a bus. Today is Tuesday - and it's the first day I feel somewhat better, like i think it's gone... :)
I'm on the pill until Jan. 2nd. then i wait for my period to show up... Then it's an ultrasound on Day 2. Again on Day 8. (and possibly more) Retrieval on Day 9 to 14, depending on the ultrasound findings. 4 days later -- the transfer.
On day 8 they'll show us how to do the injection that i need 36 hours prior to the retrieval. Following the transfer, it'll be a shot every day for 12 weeks. ouch. (well, if i'm pg - but we're banking on it! :) )
We need to go to mtrl again next week - for A's pre-op screening and another appointment with the fertility dr. to pick donor sperm, as a backup. Funny to think of a backup for something that there is about a 1% chance we'll need. Funny how the odds are greater that this DOESN'T work for us (the IVM i mean) than it does - but yet i'm playing the "positive mind" card - it will work - we WILL be part of the 40% or even better yet, we'll play a part in raising the bar... and bring up the odds... it's going to happen - lets be part of it :)
I was telling my sister yesterday that i was still sick - and i guess she's sick of hearing me talk about it or hearing me complain (and i know i should stop - i could be worse off - much worse off... but it's hard to stop when you feel HORRIBLE - besides this was only the 2nd time i talked to her about it at all... so that was the mistake - thinking i could share) and she got really short with me and said "oh yeah who cares, just think of it this way - you'll never need to be on the pill again in your life..." geez - thanks for the moral support. Besides, i'd rather have to deal with birth control than to deal with that we're dealing with. and then i just said "well, only every time we have to try this - and they'll put me on for about a month at a time, everytime - so everytime it's "new" and everytime it'll make me feel aweful... not like normal people who get used to the estrogen after a month or two..." but still i shouldn't have spoken. it's true this is minor... i need to get over it. but her reaction was mean.
Then again - it just seems like it's the story of my life these days - me getting annoyed at something somebody said. I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could be who i used to be - just for a day. That I could be the happy go lucky person I was...
I hope that that's who i become after all this is over - and that this journey doesn't leave the emotional "me" scared for life...
Anyways - all that to say - the journey has officially BEGUN. I'm on the pill - and by this time next month I will maybe have had my first monitoring ultrasound. Talk about scary... And to think that between now and then christmas will have come and gone... which i am hardly ready for - it seems secondary - i can't even think about it it seems. I NEED to get my act together - but then again, i'd rather save all our money. It's hard.
posted by Winnifred at 10:14 AM
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