9w1d
I'm 9w1d pregnant today. Still in denial.
I saw my family dr. last week - who was bouncing off the walls she was SO happy for us. Refered us to a high risk clinic which I'm now playing phone tag with. Oh the joy. A friend said "oh, you're just at the beginning of all the appointements... wait and see..." to which i promptly replied "Um, I THINK i've already had my fair share of appointments thank you very much!" Like I must have been at the fertility clinic a million times by now. Ok - maybe not THAT many times- BUT OFTEN.
I CANNOT wait to be out of the first trimester. I feel like I want to throw a party when it's over so that I can say "NOW I can celebrate being pregnant!!"
I'm on diclectin, an anti-nausea medication. I didn't want to have to take it - but I could no longer function. The days I could get up were getting quite rare. They've REALLY helped although today we were really late leaving home to come to work - because i really wasn't sure I could. It's 11 now and I think i'll make it through the day. I felt HORRIBLY sick last night - even on the drugs - and hardly slept - which is nothing new, i haven't slept in weeks really. If i'm sick tomorrow, i'll just have to stay home... I can't keep this up - and YES, this makes me feel like a wuss. Seems to me pregnant women typically go on with their lives... NOT me. Seems like most can deal with the nausea - but then i wonder if theirs was 24/7. I HATE feeling like a wuss - cause it doesn't help anything... I get into this pitty party and that can only put me in a bad mood - worse than the one i was in before I started feeling sorry for myself. Oh, and i thought with the nausea gone I might find my apetite - or at the very least be able to eat more stuff... NOPE - still very difficult to eat ANYTHING.
My poor dh is probably wondering WHEN i'm going to "come back". I'm in such a weird mood these days - I bug myself like crazy 95% of the time. the only time i seem content is when I go to bed at 7pm - that first 30 minutes is usually "ok"... beyond that I get restless!
I don't think i was prepared for the hormonal imbalance. I kept thinking "once I achieve pregnancy LIFE WILL BE GREAT." And don't get me wrong - I'm VERY happy - but it doesn't mean i'm not in a weird mood most of the time, and that, unfortunately - i have little control over it seems.
It seems all I do is complain - and the reality of it is that that's only true in my blog - or when I'm in a very bad mood at home. I'm cautiously excited that i'm pregnant - and most people around me don't know i'm in a bad mood. I'm not always negative - just on here it seems. I need to blow off steam i guess... My dh keeps telling me it's FINE to be in a weird mood - and that it's ok if life doesn't seem normal... but i know deep down he wishes things were different. Another thing that bugs me - those who are plain excited about our pregnancy - without CARING that we're "cautious". Some think we're crazy to think something bad might happen - and I just can't get myself to forget about that all together. I mean I'm confident in this pregnancy - but I refuse to deny anything "could" happen.... because i know i could never deal IF it did happen. My SIL has told everybody we're having twins even though we asked her to tell NOBODY. Why can't they respect the "cautious" part? Goodness, my family dr. even told us we shouldn't tell people we're having twins yet.
My goal for the week - WALK. I've been SOOOOO lazy cause i've been so sick and now that i'm on the anti-nausea pills I NEED to start walking a lot. I fear that i will be lazy till the end - and I cannot imagine carrying TWINS around if I'm progressively more and more out of shape. I need to get my butt in gear.
I saw my family dr. last week - who was bouncing off the walls she was SO happy for us. Refered us to a high risk clinic which I'm now playing phone tag with. Oh the joy. A friend said "oh, you're just at the beginning of all the appointements... wait and see..." to which i promptly replied "Um, I THINK i've already had my fair share of appointments thank you very much!" Like I must have been at the fertility clinic a million times by now. Ok - maybe not THAT many times- BUT OFTEN.
I CANNOT wait to be out of the first trimester. I feel like I want to throw a party when it's over so that I can say "NOW I can celebrate being pregnant!!"
I'm on diclectin, an anti-nausea medication. I didn't want to have to take it - but I could no longer function. The days I could get up were getting quite rare. They've REALLY helped although today we were really late leaving home to come to work - because i really wasn't sure I could. It's 11 now and I think i'll make it through the day. I felt HORRIBLY sick last night - even on the drugs - and hardly slept - which is nothing new, i haven't slept in weeks really. If i'm sick tomorrow, i'll just have to stay home... I can't keep this up - and YES, this makes me feel like a wuss. Seems to me pregnant women typically go on with their lives... NOT me. Seems like most can deal with the nausea - but then i wonder if theirs was 24/7. I HATE feeling like a wuss - cause it doesn't help anything... I get into this pitty party and that can only put me in a bad mood - worse than the one i was in before I started feeling sorry for myself. Oh, and i thought with the nausea gone I might find my apetite - or at the very least be able to eat more stuff... NOPE - still very difficult to eat ANYTHING.
My poor dh is probably wondering WHEN i'm going to "come back". I'm in such a weird mood these days - I bug myself like crazy 95% of the time. the only time i seem content is when I go to bed at 7pm - that first 30 minutes is usually "ok"... beyond that I get restless!
I don't think i was prepared for the hormonal imbalance. I kept thinking "once I achieve pregnancy LIFE WILL BE GREAT." And don't get me wrong - I'm VERY happy - but it doesn't mean i'm not in a weird mood most of the time, and that, unfortunately - i have little control over it seems.
It seems all I do is complain - and the reality of it is that that's only true in my blog - or when I'm in a very bad mood at home. I'm cautiously excited that i'm pregnant - and most people around me don't know i'm in a bad mood. I'm not always negative - just on here it seems. I need to blow off steam i guess... My dh keeps telling me it's FINE to be in a weird mood - and that it's ok if life doesn't seem normal... but i know deep down he wishes things were different. Another thing that bugs me - those who are plain excited about our pregnancy - without CARING that we're "cautious". Some think we're crazy to think something bad might happen - and I just can't get myself to forget about that all together. I mean I'm confident in this pregnancy - but I refuse to deny anything "could" happen.... because i know i could never deal IF it did happen. My SIL has told everybody we're having twins even though we asked her to tell NOBODY. Why can't they respect the "cautious" part? Goodness, my family dr. even told us we shouldn't tell people we're having twins yet.
My goal for the week - WALK. I've been SOOOOO lazy cause i've been so sick and now that i'm on the anti-nausea pills I NEED to start walking a lot. I fear that i will be lazy till the end - and I cannot imagine carrying TWINS around if I'm progressively more and more out of shape. I need to get my butt in gear.
posted by Winnifred at 11:04 AM
2 Comments:
You need to take it easy on yourself. Not all women have the nausea you're experiencing, so if you feel that bad then don't feel like you can't admit it. Complain all you want; you're entitled!
I know exactly what you mean about feeling sad/whiny. As much as I'd been anticipating pregnancy, that first trimester was probably one of the most emotional rides of my life...it was a nightmare. It will get better though; I promise!!!
How rude of your SIL, untactful!
I don't get how people can be so lacking in empathy. Especially if they know what it took you to get here.
If I ever make it, I am going to guilt trip everyone in curbing their enthusiasm, at least to my face. Naive, I know.
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