I was right.
unfortunately.
I was so mad last night driving back from my parents (an hr drive) and I had a horrible headache which my dh kept trying to tell me was probably from the stress of the day :( although i think it was directly linked to dill pickle chips i just HAD to eat yesterday...?!
I was so upset - i almost stormed out of my grandmothers - but then that's SO out of character for me... they would have blamed it on the pregnancy hormones and i just couldn't give them more amunition. At one point I had an aunt and my grandma behind me (standing - they could TOUCH me sitting at the table, that's how close) and grandma says "now we just have to wait to see how many..." to which my aunt replies really loudly "oh cause it's in vitro there's chance for more than one??" WHAT THE HELL? WHY can't people PRETEND they have respect? These babies will be 6 & 7 in this family..... and the first ones "planned". Do you think they sit around those other cousins that have babies and talk about "oh right - cause her baby will be born out of wedlock?" or "yeah but her baby was a complete accident?" NO - those are apparently things that most people have the decency to SHUT up about.... well - in my family in vitro is apparently "nothing".
I sat there and realized that as much as I couldn't wait to be pregnant I obviously did NOT go from carrying the IF pain for nearly a year (well, a year of knowledge about it - and 2 1/2 years of it just not happening!) to being an extactic pregnant woman that will discuss in detail how i got here. If they had ANY idea of the emotional pain I have suffered... the physical pain... the sleepless nights of stress... the frustrations at the damn injections... the moodswings because of the damn injections... the rediculous comments i've had to put up with.... maybe then they'd SHUT UP? But probably not. They believe that this was simply "how we got pregnant" just like that. Just like getting a hair cut or something.
So now I know for sure that EVERYBODY in my family knows it's IVF.... and NOBODY will be suprised to find out if it's twins - they're just waiting to be told either way. I am now going to make it a point to stay far away from them for a while. I can't handle the emotional hurt.
AND THEN.... diner was over at my parents (lunch was at grandmas) and 2 aunts came over (from the other side of the family...) anyways, we were all chatting... A. and I got ready to head out and one of my aunts said "are you feeling really sick?" and i said "yes, it was horrible - but I started taking anti-nausea pills which are helping a lot...." to which my sister yells from the other end of the kitchen in front of everybody "oh yeah, but are you sure you're not about to find out that those things cause spina befida or something?" THEN I STORMED OUT. I yelled "Sure, I'm TRYING to harm my children because I'm a HORRIBLE person." and ran down to the door and all I could hear was the chatting of "did she say "her children" did she mean she's having 2?" AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHH. Yeah - lets get stuck on that - and not the insensitive comment that was made.
Anyways - I knew I should have said I couldn't make it up - it would have taken me 2 seconds to come up with something - and they wouldn't have missed me one bit... after all they had all that talking about me to do. I would have saved myself a lot of hurt - that i knew was going to take place. My dh said "but don't be upset - you knew what to expect going into it..." but it still doesn't make it better. I am pregnant and quite obviously emotional.... but still in any state of mine I could NEVER imagine behaving like that towards somebody else... and goodness knows it's not cause i'm an angel. I just THINK. Then he said "next time you should just say something..." um yes - today was about 30 people for lunch... so maybe in front of 30 people I should stand up and ask everybody to PLEASE have the decency to SHUT up about my infertility issues and HOW we got pregnant. After all, we don't typcially discuss how many times somebody else had to have sex before they conceived... maybe we should????
9w6d pregnant and frustrated with most of my family...
I was so mad last night driving back from my parents (an hr drive) and I had a horrible headache which my dh kept trying to tell me was probably from the stress of the day :( although i think it was directly linked to dill pickle chips i just HAD to eat yesterday...?!
I was so upset - i almost stormed out of my grandmothers - but then that's SO out of character for me... they would have blamed it on the pregnancy hormones and i just couldn't give them more amunition. At one point I had an aunt and my grandma behind me (standing - they could TOUCH me sitting at the table, that's how close) and grandma says "now we just have to wait to see how many..." to which my aunt replies really loudly "oh cause it's in vitro there's chance for more than one??" WHAT THE HELL? WHY can't people PRETEND they have respect? These babies will be 6 & 7 in this family..... and the first ones "planned". Do you think they sit around those other cousins that have babies and talk about "oh right - cause her baby will be born out of wedlock?" or "yeah but her baby was a complete accident?" NO - those are apparently things that most people have the decency to SHUT up about.... well - in my family in vitro is apparently "nothing".
I sat there and realized that as much as I couldn't wait to be pregnant I obviously did NOT go from carrying the IF pain for nearly a year (well, a year of knowledge about it - and 2 1/2 years of it just not happening!) to being an extactic pregnant woman that will discuss in detail how i got here. If they had ANY idea of the emotional pain I have suffered... the physical pain... the sleepless nights of stress... the frustrations at the damn injections... the moodswings because of the damn injections... the rediculous comments i've had to put up with.... maybe then they'd SHUT UP? But probably not. They believe that this was simply "how we got pregnant" just like that. Just like getting a hair cut or something.
So now I know for sure that EVERYBODY in my family knows it's IVF.... and NOBODY will be suprised to find out if it's twins - they're just waiting to be told either way. I am now going to make it a point to stay far away from them for a while. I can't handle the emotional hurt.
AND THEN.... diner was over at my parents (lunch was at grandmas) and 2 aunts came over (from the other side of the family...) anyways, we were all chatting... A. and I got ready to head out and one of my aunts said "are you feeling really sick?" and i said "yes, it was horrible - but I started taking anti-nausea pills which are helping a lot...." to which my sister yells from the other end of the kitchen in front of everybody "oh yeah, but are you sure you're not about to find out that those things cause spina befida or something?" THEN I STORMED OUT. I yelled "Sure, I'm TRYING to harm my children because I'm a HORRIBLE person." and ran down to the door and all I could hear was the chatting of "did she say "her children" did she mean she's having 2?" AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHH. Yeah - lets get stuck on that - and not the insensitive comment that was made.
Anyways - I knew I should have said I couldn't make it up - it would have taken me 2 seconds to come up with something - and they wouldn't have missed me one bit... after all they had all that talking about me to do. I would have saved myself a lot of hurt - that i knew was going to take place. My dh said "but don't be upset - you knew what to expect going into it..." but it still doesn't make it better. I am pregnant and quite obviously emotional.... but still in any state of mine I could NEVER imagine behaving like that towards somebody else... and goodness knows it's not cause i'm an angel. I just THINK. Then he said "next time you should just say something..." um yes - today was about 30 people for lunch... so maybe in front of 30 people I should stand up and ask everybody to PLEASE have the decency to SHUT up about my infertility issues and HOW we got pregnant. After all, we don't typcially discuss how many times somebody else had to have sex before they conceived... maybe we should????
9w6d pregnant and frustrated with most of my family...
posted by Winnifred at 3:02 PM
4 Comments:
I'm sorry the family visit was so awful for you. How rude and insensitive of them! Asking questions I might understand, but such a display of ignorence is just horrid.
I wonder if your dh would react so coolly if they weren't commenting on the IVF part, but the MFI part.
Do you get to stay away from them for a while now at least?
I can only imagine that my family would have reacted the same way if I'd told them we did IVF. I am soooo NOT embarrassed that that's the way we had to conceive, but I just didn't want them to know, because I didn't want to be the topic of conversation every time I get pregnant. Good luck dealing with them; family can be a real pain sometimes.
What is wrong with people. I didn't even realize people would react that way but I guess it makes sense, people are stupid! Mothers day is coming up - yuck!
How awful. I am sorry that you had to endure that kind of insensitive behavior from your own family.
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