Love + Marriage & IF
This has been on my mind for a while... and this week-end it was on my mind even more.
My cousin had her baby, 2 weeks overdue, induced which turned into an emergency c-section... not ideal - but then neither is her life at this point. (jobless, single, lives alone, immature) and I was talking to my mom and I said "it must be SO hard on her brother and his wife... seeing as they want a child but can't concieve..." to which my mom answers "it must be hell - are they back together?" um... WHAT? Apparently they've been appart for months (she thinks they may be back together now) and it just drove the point home.
I CANNOT imagine my life without my dh. I couldn't before all this started - but now that we've lived this "hell" together - it's just not even an option. (again, it wasn't before!) I was talking to a friend about this - and she said she feels the same way about her dh since they've had 3 kids - how it's even MORE impossible now to see them appart. I know it's a weird topic - but i know MANY relationships go the other way through hard times... and to be very honest - we have a great relationship - I love my dh more today than when we met, even more than when we married (i know - it's sooooooooo cliché - but it's soooooooooo true) anyways - all that love - but until you walk a few miles in HELL together - you really have NO idea how it'll work out. I mean I would have ventured a guess that our personalities would have made us grow closer together - but so many go the other way. I know i'm not "immune" to anything - especially now. The theory that "that only happens to other people" is NOT something I would EVER assume true... cause goodness knows - what I would say only happens to others: HAPPENED TO US.
It's like this journey has solidified our vows more than I ever thought possible. More than I ever imagined would happen in our lifetime. And we've been married for less than 3 years. Imagine?
To say he's my best friend is an understatement. He's literally my EVERYTHING. And even through my bad mood... my hormonal fits... I count my blessings everyday that he's my husband. And to those out there who find it going the other way... HUGS. IF is a difficult journey by itself - can't imagine it ALSO putting a strain on our marriage.
About my cousin and his wife - I really don't know them well enough to know why they're apart (obviously - it took months before i even heard they were apart!) It may have nothing to do with IF - but either way - IF obviously dind't bring them closer - or not close enough. Granted - they've been suffering since 1999 - which is more than I have - and they have no children. Perhaps my views of my marriage would be different after so many empty years - but then again, for us - we would have ALWAYS been on the journey. Through modern medicine or adoption - our goal is to have a FAMILY at any cost.
There. Just random thoughts on love & marriage... and infertility.
I'm 13 weeks pregnant today. I've reduced my anti-nausea pills (only taking those that will ensure i can get out of bed in the morning now) and I hope that the nausea stays away...!! Other than that - i'm showing so much - i swear some must assume i'm 5 months along. Um... not so much.
My cousin had her baby, 2 weeks overdue, induced which turned into an emergency c-section... not ideal - but then neither is her life at this point. (jobless, single, lives alone, immature) and I was talking to my mom and I said "it must be SO hard on her brother and his wife... seeing as they want a child but can't concieve..." to which my mom answers "it must be hell - are they back together?" um... WHAT? Apparently they've been appart for months (she thinks they may be back together now) and it just drove the point home.
I CANNOT imagine my life without my dh. I couldn't before all this started - but now that we've lived this "hell" together - it's just not even an option. (again, it wasn't before!) I was talking to a friend about this - and she said she feels the same way about her dh since they've had 3 kids - how it's even MORE impossible now to see them appart. I know it's a weird topic - but i know MANY relationships go the other way through hard times... and to be very honest - we have a great relationship - I love my dh more today than when we met, even more than when we married (i know - it's sooooooooo cliché - but it's soooooooooo true) anyways - all that love - but until you walk a few miles in HELL together - you really have NO idea how it'll work out. I mean I would have ventured a guess that our personalities would have made us grow closer together - but so many go the other way. I know i'm not "immune" to anything - especially now. The theory that "that only happens to other people" is NOT something I would EVER assume true... cause goodness knows - what I would say only happens to others: HAPPENED TO US.
It's like this journey has solidified our vows more than I ever thought possible. More than I ever imagined would happen in our lifetime. And we've been married for less than 3 years. Imagine?
To say he's my best friend is an understatement. He's literally my EVERYTHING. And even through my bad mood... my hormonal fits... I count my blessings everyday that he's my husband. And to those out there who find it going the other way... HUGS. IF is a difficult journey by itself - can't imagine it ALSO putting a strain on our marriage.
About my cousin and his wife - I really don't know them well enough to know why they're apart (obviously - it took months before i even heard they were apart!) It may have nothing to do with IF - but either way - IF obviously dind't bring them closer - or not close enough. Granted - they've been suffering since 1999 - which is more than I have - and they have no children. Perhaps my views of my marriage would be different after so many empty years - but then again, for us - we would have ALWAYS been on the journey. Through modern medicine or adoption - our goal is to have a FAMILY at any cost.
There. Just random thoughts on love & marriage... and infertility.
I'm 13 weeks pregnant today. I've reduced my anti-nausea pills (only taking those that will ensure i can get out of bed in the morning now) and I hope that the nausea stays away...!! Other than that - i'm showing so much - i swear some must assume i'm 5 months along. Um... not so much.
posted by Winnifred at 8:55 AM
3 Comments:
Just wait until you see how your dh interacts with your little babies. It will make you fall even more in love.
Count your blessing Win.
I don't know that IF makes or breaks marriages....I guess it just comes down to marrying the right person. If you are lucky enough to be with someone you completely love......you are blessed.
If things are going good....it is easier to be happy. If I had fallen pregnant 4 years ago when I first started trying maybe I wouldn't be so fucked up, maybe I wouldn't hate my life, my husband & my future.
Like chas said.....you'll fall even more in love once you have your babies. But what if a couple DON'T get babies? Will I fall further OUT of love?
You are so blessed that you and your dh have such a wonderful relationship. It is a shame that a lot of relationships go south when difficult issues like IF come up. Our journey through IVF has brought my dh and I a lot closer as well.
Congrats on being 13 weeks!
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