New Look!
I wanted to change the look of the blog when I got pregnant... but since I have been feeling like i don't belong in either the "IF Club" or the "Pregnancy Club" it's been hard. I know for fellow IF'ers my blog might bring a little hope, but mostly pain. I know - I've been there: I've read those blogs. Don't get me wrong - I was HAPPY to find success stories - i really needed them... but it basically stopped there. Pregnancy wise... i don't really feel like I belong either. I never thought it would be like this. I thought i'd get the BFP I'd been PRAYING for for YEARS and I would be HAPPY. I even told my close girlfriends that I was having them over for a "girls night" when it happened because I would be over the moon... I have yet to hook up with them - and i'm 14+ weeks pregnant.
It's weird to no longer belong, or to feel like I no longer belong. I read blogs and I cry when IVF (or other treatements) doesn't work for them. I read pregnancy blogs for people that achieved pregnancy "according to their master plan" and I can't relate: I get upset.
IF is a lonely journey - and it doesn't stop with a BFP. It goes well beyond. To those still trying and reading this - I'm NOT implying i'm hurting as much as you - I guess i'm just venting because I wasn't expecting THIS. Maybe it's in proportion to how long you've suffered... if so, I should have it "easy" enough since although for ME it felt like an eternity - i know many have suffered for much longer.
At least i'm now embrassing the fact that i'm showing. Yesterday, a complete stranger noticed that my friend and I are both expecting... and it was kind of nice. Like "i'm out there, in the open - it's TRUE - even STRANGERS believe it!" Funny to think i'm only 14 weeks and my friend is 34 weeks, but still! :)
This week-end I think i'm going to be attending yet another family function - the same family that annoyed me so much at Easter. All of the above thoughts are probably directly linked to the fact that I'd rather not go. My dh would also rather not go. BUT if I don't go I wont see my sister for months since she's leaving for a summer job. I'd like to see her.
14w3d pregnant and still trying to convince myself that it's true: i'm pregnant and having twins this fall. THIS fall.
It's weird to no longer belong, or to feel like I no longer belong. I read blogs and I cry when IVF (or other treatements) doesn't work for them. I read pregnancy blogs for people that achieved pregnancy "according to their master plan" and I can't relate: I get upset.
IF is a lonely journey - and it doesn't stop with a BFP. It goes well beyond. To those still trying and reading this - I'm NOT implying i'm hurting as much as you - I guess i'm just venting because I wasn't expecting THIS. Maybe it's in proportion to how long you've suffered... if so, I should have it "easy" enough since although for ME it felt like an eternity - i know many have suffered for much longer.
At least i'm now embrassing the fact that i'm showing. Yesterday, a complete stranger noticed that my friend and I are both expecting... and it was kind of nice. Like "i'm out there, in the open - it's TRUE - even STRANGERS believe it!" Funny to think i'm only 14 weeks and my friend is 34 weeks, but still! :)
This week-end I think i'm going to be attending yet another family function - the same family that annoyed me so much at Easter. All of the above thoughts are probably directly linked to the fact that I'd rather not go. My dh would also rather not go. BUT if I don't go I wont see my sister for months since she's leaving for a summer job. I'd like to see her.
14w3d pregnant and still trying to convince myself that it's true: i'm pregnant and having twins this fall. THIS fall.
posted by Winnifred at 10:29 AM
4 Comments:
Winnifred, I want you to know that I still read your blog and think of you. You were the first blogger on my list to make it to the other side. Your good news gave me more hope than you realize. Alot of times I don't comment because it is hard, you have what I am still dreaming for. But that is why I keep reading, to remind me that dreams can come true.
I'm so glad that you're at 14w3d, winifred, I need those people out there ahead of me to show me it can be done. Congratulations! I hope you continue this slow pace of starting to enjoy the experience of being pregnant.
I bet if you went back and read all of the pregnancy blogs of other infertiles, you would see that we all go through that stage of feeling like we don't belong. It's a weird state of limbo and something you don't see coming til you get there. Just know you are not alone and that you DO belong.
GIRL! I knwo you don't know which side you are suposed to be on but here's me... my first IVF consult next Wednesday and reading the history of your blog is an inspiration to me so THAT my dearest is where you belong!!
Stories of inspiration. And Cat&Ellie are my vote - I'd love to have twins :)
Sincerely - new to the IVF world.
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