WHY?

Ok... I'm having serious emotional issues this week. I can't seem to get over IF this week. That might sound stupid - especially to those of you who aren't pregnant yet... and i'm sorry if i sound offensive, there is no intention of that.

I can't believe I had to do IVF to become pregnant.

A little while back I saw this thing on TV about this woman having to give herself injections to become pregnant. My first thought "OMG - i couldn't imagine..." and then... the uncontrollable tears. I DID DO THAT. THAT WAS ME - not that long ago. it's like it's now surreal.

I've now realized why women who battle IF often don't fight afterwards... they "pretend it didn't happen" or "put it all behind them..." because apparently, that's what our mind does automatically - and i'm not even done yet.

I'm not done - although part of my emotional reck this week was "can i seriously think of doing this AGAIN??" and i have to - because i'm having more.

Maybe it stems from us laughing the other day that we wont be telling our twins who came out first... because i don't want others to treat them as "big brother/little brother" (or sister or whatever!) when they're TWINS. My sister said "that makes sense, besides they were concieved at the same time..." to which i replied "um yeah - but then so is our next child probably, if all works out..." Maybe that's why I can't shake things lately. Not sure.

Maybe it's because they're about to come out so i'm reliving how I got pregnant. Although that doesn't seem to make sense - do normal people at this point keep thinking about how they had SEX? doesn't seem logical... although that's the last time I had an IV put in. I've had many wand u/s in the last weeks to measure my cervix - and i hadn't had them since the day we found out it was twins at the IF clinic. So maybe... maybe it's all linked.

I don't know - I just hope it passes... SOON.

36w6d and wishing I would go in labour today... it's labour day in New Zealand! ha!HA!