Still no news on BETA
So I did my blood work (out of clinic since my clinic is 3 hours away) last thursday. it's FRIDAY (of the NEXT week) and still they haven't told me to stop my shots + estrace. Of course I DID - because a) the HPTs were BFN and because the receptionist at the lab was annoyed at the run around I was getting and confirmed the 0... followed by "but you didn't hear that from me"
So how is it that somebody can do a fresh cycle IVF and drop off the radar fully at the clinic before being told it's a BFN? I've called countless time and I'm not getting calls returned.
On Wednesday the dr's receptionist calls me and said "this is just to let you know that I did receive the fax for your blood work... i had a note to call you when i got it" she got it the thursday before. I said "ok, so you're going to tell me the result?" and she says "oh i can't do that -- i'll transfer you to the nurses..." which OF COURSE was to voicemail and OF COURSE they didn't call me back.
This morning my message was over the top emotional -- I didn't mean it to be but i lost it and started crying while speaking and ended the message with "I've left lots of messages and none are being returned, i'm REALLY stressed and I would really like to be able to move on so could you PLEASE call me to let me know what my next steps are..."
because not only will the nurses not call me back -- but I STILL haven't heard back from embryology. My embryos were hopefully (but what do I KNOW?) frozen on June FIRST. Today is the 19th. Still no news.
Also -- I think the shock wore off of the failed cycle and now I'm just in hysterics. Having to do IVF - for me - is like the end of the world. Having it failed is like having a force telling me that it really doesn't matter how hard you work -- YOU SUCK and you will NOT have what you want. The absolute worse 'kicking you when you're down' scenario.
I've left a message with a local infertility clinic hoping I can see their psychologist without being a patient at the clinic. I'd rather deal with a psychologist that specializes in IF... and god knows right now I need to talk to somebody.
Yesterday I LOST IT -- telling my husband what i wrote above how it's worse than 'the' worst having a failed cycle and he said 'yeah, but some people NEVER have it work...' and while that is TRUE -- and I FEEL for everybody who never has it work... or people who still don't know if it will work and such.... it doesn't make me feel better. It's not like there's a "pool of ivf children" and each can get their share. It doesn't mean that I want our future children any less than I wanted my current ones. YES, We've been INCREDIBLY blessed and I HOLD ON TO THAT... but it does NOT ease the pain. If i didn't REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY want more kids -- I wouldn't have cycled again. These children are WANTED. I WANT MORE KIDS.
And yes, that makes me feel selfish but what can you do.
So how is it that somebody can do a fresh cycle IVF and drop off the radar fully at the clinic before being told it's a BFN? I've called countless time and I'm not getting calls returned.
On Wednesday the dr's receptionist calls me and said "this is just to let you know that I did receive the fax for your blood work... i had a note to call you when i got it" she got it the thursday before. I said "ok, so you're going to tell me the result?" and she says "oh i can't do that -- i'll transfer you to the nurses..." which OF COURSE was to voicemail and OF COURSE they didn't call me back.
This morning my message was over the top emotional -- I didn't mean it to be but i lost it and started crying while speaking and ended the message with "I've left lots of messages and none are being returned, i'm REALLY stressed and I would really like to be able to move on so could you PLEASE call me to let me know what my next steps are..."
because not only will the nurses not call me back -- but I STILL haven't heard back from embryology. My embryos were hopefully (but what do I KNOW?) frozen on June FIRST. Today is the 19th. Still no news.
Also -- I think the shock wore off of the failed cycle and now I'm just in hysterics. Having to do IVF - for me - is like the end of the world. Having it failed is like having a force telling me that it really doesn't matter how hard you work -- YOU SUCK and you will NOT have what you want. The absolute worse 'kicking you when you're down' scenario.
I've left a message with a local infertility clinic hoping I can see their psychologist without being a patient at the clinic. I'd rather deal with a psychologist that specializes in IF... and god knows right now I need to talk to somebody.
Yesterday I LOST IT -- telling my husband what i wrote above how it's worse than 'the' worst having a failed cycle and he said 'yeah, but some people NEVER have it work...' and while that is TRUE -- and I FEEL for everybody who never has it work... or people who still don't know if it will work and such.... it doesn't make me feel better. It's not like there's a "pool of ivf children" and each can get their share. It doesn't mean that I want our future children any less than I wanted my current ones. YES, We've been INCREDIBLY blessed and I HOLD ON TO THAT... but it does NOT ease the pain. If i didn't REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY want more kids -- I wouldn't have cycled again. These children are WANTED. I WANT MORE KIDS.
And yes, that makes me feel selfish but what can you do.
posted by Winnifred at 9:09 AM
1 Comments:
I'm so sorry you're having such a bad experience. Although I don't know exactly how you're feeling, I remember feeling very hurt that my clinic didn't even schedule my beta. I left after the transfer having no idea when my test was supposed to be, as if they were so sure it wouldn't work that they didn't want to bother with the formality.
I think talking to a psychologist would be an excellent idea. In fact, if our insurance wasn't total crap, I'd do the same thing. I think it would be nice to talk to a professional who will just listen and has no personal stake or interest in the outcomes of your decisions.
I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work for you. I don't think it matters if you have 1 kid or 10, when you want (and would do a great job with) another, you want one! Hopefully you have some frozen embryos to get you going on another round.
Good luck!
Love,
Hillary
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