Delays.
So... I used to think that IVM was too good to be true. IVM is where they take your eggs and mature them in a dish instead of pumping you with all the drugs. Doesn't it sound WONDERFUL? Almost like "natural in-vitro" which frankly is an oxymoron in any case!! Anyways... Turns out I was right. I was too good to be true.
We've converted this cycle to IVF... which basically means we're trying again, next month. This appointment happened yesterday, friday the 13th. I'm not really supersticious, but goodness things like this don't help. Turns out the scan they based their recommendation of IVM on was "wrong" kind of. It showed 38 follicules but it was either an error or they saw MANY TINY ONES that shouldn't be counted. This ultrasound was done elsewhere. I wish I had done it at "my" clinic, then I would NEVER have started IVM and next week we're be attempting to get me pregnant. BUT now we wait. But then I wish my clinic wasn't a 6hr round trip.
Back on the BCP. Great. I puked all night. My dh woke up at one point asked how i was (knowing i was aweful) and rubbed my back - knowing if he hugged me i'd be sick right away. He's the best.
We go back to the clinic on Monday. To get my "brown bag of injections/needles/hormones" as well as a crash course on "how to give yourself a shot". ARH. They (at the clinic) seem to love being able to tell women that "oh these ones YOU can do, your husband only needs to do a few of the intramuscular ones". Um... Being able to give yourself a shot isn't fantastic. I had ZERO aspiration of ever doing it. NONE. NEVER. But then I also didn't expect to be attempting IVF either... oh how life is full of surprises!!
My first injection is Jan. 27th. My dh will be away for that week-end, he leaves the 27th and coming back on the 29th, late. He said he's cancel his trip (he's going to a pond hockey tournament - sounds really cool. I almost said I'd go too but i don't want to be with THAT many guys...!) But how crazy would it be for him to cancel because i have to give myself a SHOT. Not like an appointment/procedure or anything - it's JUST A SHOT. Obviously he's still going. I thought of going to spend the week-end with my sister who has to give herself shots for something else - but I think i'd go crazy.
Our procedures are scheduled for the week of Feb. 20th. I was supposed to be off work as of now for 2 weeks because our procedure was supposed to be now. Now, i have to go back to work. I don't like going to work. Worse, i had to email my supervisor who's also a friend - but one i wouldn't have shared this with, but i kind of had to cause i'm missing sooooooo much work, anyways i emailed him to say i'd be at work on tuesday. He called this afternoon. I wish he would stop asking. At least my other friends just ask when I BRING it up. Seems like a rule - DO NOT ask somebody dealing with infertility how things are going, I'll TELL YOU if and when I feel like it.
I thought that there was a slight chance that me and my 2 really good friends could all be pregnant at the same time... And that may still happen when i get pregnant in feb. but i guess it's a little less likely now... one of the girls is due on March 17th. The other on July 2nd. I have 2 other good friends that are due on March 10th and May 19th. Out of my friends, i'm basically the only non pregnant one. At the very least, it's MUCH easier knowing that these girls are pregnant - because they're women i love. I have such a hard time watching pregant women on tv... or walking down the street. I've taken to saying "bitch" when I see one, but my dh doesn't think that's a good idea! ha!HA!
Oh, the good news in our delays... Our odds are now 60-65% for a pregnancy. With IVM it was 40%. With my 24 follicules and my dh's surgical removal of sperm - our odds were getting really really small. The smart part of my brain understands that this is the best option for us. The emotional part thinks that this SUCKS and it HURTS. I wouldn't be human to not care, or to only smile and nod at the "medical facts". No matter how we look at it - it sucks. I was FINALLY ready for this. Since my ultrasound on Monday I had found glimpses of myself again - which I haven't seen in a LONG time... and now it's all gone again. I know i'll have it back - but for now, it's gone.
We've converted this cycle to IVF... which basically means we're trying again, next month. This appointment happened yesterday, friday the 13th. I'm not really supersticious, but goodness things like this don't help. Turns out the scan they based their recommendation of IVM on was "wrong" kind of. It showed 38 follicules but it was either an error or they saw MANY TINY ONES that shouldn't be counted. This ultrasound was done elsewhere. I wish I had done it at "my" clinic, then I would NEVER have started IVM and next week we're be attempting to get me pregnant. BUT now we wait. But then I wish my clinic wasn't a 6hr round trip.
Back on the BCP. Great. I puked all night. My dh woke up at one point asked how i was (knowing i was aweful) and rubbed my back - knowing if he hugged me i'd be sick right away. He's the best.
We go back to the clinic on Monday. To get my "brown bag of injections/needles/hormones" as well as a crash course on "how to give yourself a shot". ARH. They (at the clinic) seem to love being able to tell women that "oh these ones YOU can do, your husband only needs to do a few of the intramuscular ones". Um... Being able to give yourself a shot isn't fantastic. I had ZERO aspiration of ever doing it. NONE. NEVER. But then I also didn't expect to be attempting IVF either... oh how life is full of surprises!!
My first injection is Jan. 27th. My dh will be away for that week-end, he leaves the 27th and coming back on the 29th, late. He said he's cancel his trip (he's going to a pond hockey tournament - sounds really cool. I almost said I'd go too but i don't want to be with THAT many guys...!) But how crazy would it be for him to cancel because i have to give myself a SHOT. Not like an appointment/procedure or anything - it's JUST A SHOT. Obviously he's still going. I thought of going to spend the week-end with my sister who has to give herself shots for something else - but I think i'd go crazy.
Our procedures are scheduled for the week of Feb. 20th. I was supposed to be off work as of now for 2 weeks because our procedure was supposed to be now. Now, i have to go back to work. I don't like going to work. Worse, i had to email my supervisor who's also a friend - but one i wouldn't have shared this with, but i kind of had to cause i'm missing sooooooo much work, anyways i emailed him to say i'd be at work on tuesday. He called this afternoon. I wish he would stop asking. At least my other friends just ask when I BRING it up. Seems like a rule - DO NOT ask somebody dealing with infertility how things are going, I'll TELL YOU if and when I feel like it.
I thought that there was a slight chance that me and my 2 really good friends could all be pregnant at the same time... And that may still happen when i get pregnant in feb. but i guess it's a little less likely now... one of the girls is due on March 17th. The other on July 2nd. I have 2 other good friends that are due on March 10th and May 19th. Out of my friends, i'm basically the only non pregnant one. At the very least, it's MUCH easier knowing that these girls are pregnant - because they're women i love. I have such a hard time watching pregant women on tv... or walking down the street. I've taken to saying "bitch" when I see one, but my dh doesn't think that's a good idea! ha!HA!
Oh, the good news in our delays... Our odds are now 60-65% for a pregnancy. With IVM it was 40%. With my 24 follicules and my dh's surgical removal of sperm - our odds were getting really really small. The smart part of my brain understands that this is the best option for us. The emotional part thinks that this SUCKS and it HURTS. I wouldn't be human to not care, or to only smile and nod at the "medical facts". No matter how we look at it - it sucks. I was FINALLY ready for this. Since my ultrasound on Monday I had found glimpses of myself again - which I haven't seen in a LONG time... and now it's all gone again. I know i'll have it back - but for now, it's gone.
posted by Winnifred at 8:29 PM
1 Comments:
I'm sorry you've had to change your plans. All this waiting is just awful.
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