HOPE - and being scared of it.

I am terrified most I think about having hope. It's crazy really. At the beginning it's all I could hold on to. I made myself posters/art that say HOPE on them. I'm surrounded by them. My charm bracelet says "h o p e".

I do have HOPE - but i like to keep it quiet it seems these days - because i'm scared. I watched InJustice last night on TV and they released a man who had been in jail for 13 yrs for a crime he didn't comit (it's only a drama, i know!) but one of the lines he said was that he didn't want to go through the trial because his worse enemy in this whole thing was HOPE. That having hope and it NOT working out is the WORSE thing... and sure, i'm not serving time in jail so obviously it's completely different "levels" but I couldn't help but think that he was talkign about me.

Having hope IS SCARY.

But then we need to keep hope. So really, it's a vicious cycle.