Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Needles. Brown bag full.

Ok... So I have now officially given myself a shot. Sure, it was just water and only a drop - but still. I DID IT.

And i'm proud to say - it was nothing. Border line proud. I didn't think I could do it. I've been dreading this for a long time. I thought my dh would have to do them. All of them. It's NOTHING. So i'm proud to say "it's nothing" but at the same time almost embarassed that i made such a big deal about it! So if anybody's reading this - and you think you can't do it - I ASSURE YOU, IT'S FEASIBLE!! (granted i'm not terrified of needles, i just didn't think i could get myself to give MYSELF shot. If you're in that situation - i'm telling you YOU CAN! it's nothing. If you'e terrified, obviously - i can't predict how you'll do!)

So now i have my full calendar.

BCP until Jan. 30th.
Start Buserelin on Jan. 27th.
Ultrasounds on Feb. 9th, 14th & 17th.
Start Puregon on Feb. 9th.
Retrieval/Transfer week of Feb. 20th.



This time, I have higher hopes. I'm glad i'm now in the 60-65% chance of success. That means that 6 out of 10 women get pregnant. I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE WOMEN, right? I keep thinking about the fact that my family is ultra fertile. I come from a huge family - and my grandparents were quite fertile! Some of my cousins are almost too fertile. THIS will help me at the end of Feb, right? The embryos we'll have WILL STICK.

I WILL become pregnant. Maybe even with twins? Ok - that's not necessary... :) One will do.


We also got our "total $" at the clinic yesterday. Oh how I pray this works. Oh how I pray that we get lucky enough to be able to do a frozen cycle in the future. How I pray that my dh never has to do his surgery again. How I pray that we will be able to afford to have the # of children that we want. I do NOT want our bank account to dictate that. I do NOT want to change the course of my life for this. I do not want to have to work hours on end to manage this, when what I want most is to be able to raise my children. If it means working too many hours and hardly seeing my children - then, seriously, what's the point? I understand "doing what needs to be done" - but I don't want to wake up when it's too late and realized that IF completely changed my life. Sure, it changed HOW we would create our family - obviously. But i need more than anything for that to be it.


I just want a baby. or two.

5 Comments:

Blogger x said...

I think we are all scared of what IF will do to our lives!
Good job on giving yourself a needle. I am scared like you were so hopefully you are right, I can do it too.
A baby for Christmas - would that be the best! Crossing my fingers for you!

January 17, 2006 11:13 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Hi, found your blog through Jenny. Yay on giving yourself a shot. The first is always the hardest. I'm currently on day 5 of stims. I know how hard things have been and can relate to your fears. It's great that you got your calendar. It always seems more real to me when I know when things will start. Much luck to you!

January 17, 2006 11:39 AM  
Blogger moo said...

Hey. I was scared to death of giving myself shots...but my DH travels a lot for business, so i had to do it. He coached me...I did one with him there to support me. Then, when he was gone the next night, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I have even given myslef PIO shots and those really suck. One more hurdle! I'm proud of you!

January 17, 2006 3:24 PM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

I'm not jealous of the needles. But good for you on learning to do the shots. Independance!

January 17, 2006 4:13 PM  
Blogger Portlairge said...

Well done on the shot. I think in your situation, being so young, your chances of a successful cyle will be really high. In my case, I'm a little older so both egg and sperm factors play into it meaning less success.

January 19, 2006 9:56 PM  

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