worldwind...

We left friday morning at 5:30 am to get to our 9:30 appointment (yes, that's four hours!) and.... we got home today, SUNDAY, at 1pm. We left thinking we might have to spend the night, since we knew there was a possibility of a saturday scan and we figured we should stay in town and avoid the 6 hr round trip - especially since the roads were bad (understatement). Sure enough, i needed another scan on Saturday - AND i needed to keep my puregon in the frige (i asked the nurse and she said it was VERY important...) anyways - so we ended up having to rent a suite and it cost a fortune... I had a melt down... yeah hormones!! :( Anyways - on Saturday - we thought we were coming home after the scan (and goodness i was craving my bed!!) but.... the dr. reviewing the cases was late... very late... we didn't leave the hospital till 4pm -- (we got there at 8:30!) and.... we needed a sunday scan... so we had to spend the night again!! we raced to get to a store - any store - before it closed at 5pm cause it was Sat. to get something to wear the next day... um, like clean underwear! We were both annoyed and tired and we REALLY wanted to go home... BUT we kept reminding ourselves that so far everything is going WELL - which is a GOOD THING... they needed the extra monitoring because we were so close... so far everything is GOOD.

This morning - my third scan in a row (fifth for the cycle!) ... the dr. said "YOU'RE READY!!" so I trigger tonight... Um... I TRIGGER TONIGHT. tonight. at 10 pm. How real is that??

One stress was that they were saying we were most likely ready for a tuesday collection - but that they didn't have a urologist available on tuesday - monday: fine. wednesday: fine. but not tuesday... lets just say that when you've been waiting for this for 2 1/2 yrs (well, not ivf - back then i was just hoping we'd get pregnant!!) anyways - it was upsetting to think that we'd have to delay an extra day "just because" they didn't have a dr. available.... frustrating when you think "you're scheduled the week of feb 20th, but really that doesn't include tuesday??" anyways - finally the nurse reached the dr. who agreed to do it on tues. if we really needed it. A phew. Considering we had to wait from Oct. to Jan (and then moved to feb because of me, not them) I felt that we deserved it when we needed it - no?

So - as of now, everything is "ok". I need to drink lots of liquid and PRAY a whole lot that OHSS stays FAR FAR away!! Beyond that I have to pray with everything i've got that they'll find sperm to work with from my dh. I just read a post on a message board about a couple who had surgically removed sperm that was frozen and her cycle failed.... and they we're sure if it would ever work... and sure enough - that was enough to send me in a panic mode. I'm TERRIFIED that it wont work.... I should stay away from blogs/message boards - but at the same time they're so important to my sanity these days...!

I came home and napped (i told you - i was craving MY bed!) and my mom called while i was sleeping - although i woke up cause there's a phone in our room - anyways- my dh told her what was going on and stuff and said i'd call back... I just called back and she's out but my sister was home and sure enough, disinterested as could be. She talked more about the horrible road conditions than anything else... and then basically ended the conversation with "anything else you wanted?" to which i really wanted to reply "oh so sorry to be bothering you!" but then - i wasn't expecting anything more - but i guess the hormones/emotions make it harder to be proven right, you know?

Anyways - i'm officially off work now until March 7th or 8th... (shortly before my beta i'm guessing? but i'm not sure yet when my beta will be!) anyways - that part feels really good.

I can't believe it's here. A. and I both said how now that it's scheduled for Tuesday - we both feel relief and border line exitement. I'm still really scared - of it not working... I want guarentees - i'm NOT a gambler... but I don't have a choice. Tuesday will be the biggest day - we find out if my dh has any sperm AT ALL (he should - but we still don't know for sure.) and we'll know how many eggs they retrieve... I'm hoping that out of my 29 follicules - i get lots... and in turn many embryos... BUT at this point in time - I seriously want at least enough to get us pregnant this once - we'll deal with future cycles when the time comes to worry about that!

I SERIOUSLY feel my ovaries right now - bending over is not fun - and i'm guessing my trigger shot will make things feel physically more real - but i'm hoping for the best, obviously!

And thanks to those who post replies - they're MUCH appreciated.... thanks for the kind words!