Oblivious.
That's the answer from yesterday's question. How do I know for sure?
I realized FOR SURE yesterday when she sat in my office bitching that she still had 74 working days before mat leave... that by itself wasn't so bad - but i just said "Oh shut up! I have no idea when i'll manage mat leave..." (in a friendly way of course - just a "yeah, i know it sucks, but i'm pretty sure my situation sucks more!" HA!HA!) and i figured that would be the end of it...? No... she kept going on and on about "yeah, but it sucks to have to work till may blah blah blah " like she didn't hear me AT ALL - and OF COURSE she heard me, but obviously she wasn't listening. I mean, I KNOW it sucks to have to work here. To say it - fine - but to go on and on - i realized that in this whole situation I was the one being an idiot... for having higher expectations of her. or something.
So that chapter is over. I decided I needed to be more intelligent ;) and realize that I wasn't always going to get an attentive listener out of her. It's ok - i've got friends who do listen :) The same ones that are pregnant as we speak but DON'T rub it in!! ha!HA! I mean i'm pretty sure their bellies are plenty to remind me!
Two more days till I start the injections. I hope the claim that it can make me moody will NOT happen to me. I'm moody enough as it is. I mean i LOVE my husband and I KNOW he loves me - but I want him to still love me when this is all done with! ha!HA! Kidding - of course he'll still love me ... but living with somebody who's always about to go off the deep end cannot be a great feeling!
Other than that, I'm kind of planning a mini getaway. One that will only take place in april (when i get my vacation days for the year, cause as of right now i only have 2 1/2 days left!!) and one that will also only take place IF this cycle fails. I would like to have an actual plan so that i can shift my focus, if in fact it fails. It wont - but if it does, i'll have something to a) look forward to and b) some place to RELAX. I'm thinking one to 2 weeks away, on the ocean somewhere (long drive - i'm far from the ocean!) in a cabin where we can bring our dog. THAT would be fantastic. We have no money to spare, saving every penny we can - BUT i figure *if* the cylce fails - it means I'm going to be working at the very least an extra 3 months because I have to wait that long to give IVF another try - so..... that's 3 months salary we are not litterally counting on (cause we're hoping this cycle works!) and add another month cause this cycle was pushed a month, so 4 months salary that yes, SHOULD be saved - but since it's kind of bonus (i'm twisting this - i know it's a far strech - but i need to believe this therory, for my sanity!!) anyways - since it's "kind of" bonus, we can use a bit of $ to take a break. We haven't taken a real break together since all this crap started (other than 5 days in september, but i was at a workshop - so again, not quiet time!)
If I could have my wish... well, obviously, none of us would be living this! BUT that asside - IF it was to fail - I'd like to take about 2 months and settle in central america somewhere... quiet... day to day... no stress... but that cannot happen. :(
Another option would have been to go visit my sister in Mexico, she's been there since Oct. - BUT she'll be home at the end of march - so that doesn't work either!
I realized FOR SURE yesterday when she sat in my office bitching that she still had 74 working days before mat leave... that by itself wasn't so bad - but i just said "Oh shut up! I have no idea when i'll manage mat leave..." (in a friendly way of course - just a "yeah, i know it sucks, but i'm pretty sure my situation sucks more!" HA!HA!) and i figured that would be the end of it...? No... she kept going on and on about "yeah, but it sucks to have to work till may blah blah blah " like she didn't hear me AT ALL - and OF COURSE she heard me, but obviously she wasn't listening. I mean, I KNOW it sucks to have to work here. To say it - fine - but to go on and on - i realized that in this whole situation I was the one being an idiot... for having higher expectations of her. or something.
So that chapter is over. I decided I needed to be more intelligent ;) and realize that I wasn't always going to get an attentive listener out of her. It's ok - i've got friends who do listen :) The same ones that are pregnant as we speak but DON'T rub it in!! ha!HA! I mean i'm pretty sure their bellies are plenty to remind me!
Two more days till I start the injections. I hope the claim that it can make me moody will NOT happen to me. I'm moody enough as it is. I mean i LOVE my husband and I KNOW he loves me - but I want him to still love me when this is all done with! ha!HA! Kidding - of course he'll still love me ... but living with somebody who's always about to go off the deep end cannot be a great feeling!
Other than that, I'm kind of planning a mini getaway. One that will only take place in april (when i get my vacation days for the year, cause as of right now i only have 2 1/2 days left!!) and one that will also only take place IF this cycle fails. I would like to have an actual plan so that i can shift my focus, if in fact it fails. It wont - but if it does, i'll have something to a) look forward to and b) some place to RELAX. I'm thinking one to 2 weeks away, on the ocean somewhere (long drive - i'm far from the ocean!) in a cabin where we can bring our dog. THAT would be fantastic. We have no money to spare, saving every penny we can - BUT i figure *if* the cylce fails - it means I'm going to be working at the very least an extra 3 months because I have to wait that long to give IVF another try - so..... that's 3 months salary we are not litterally counting on (cause we're hoping this cycle works!) and add another month cause this cycle was pushed a month, so 4 months salary that yes, SHOULD be saved - but since it's kind of bonus (i'm twisting this - i know it's a far strech - but i need to believe this therory, for my sanity!!) anyways - since it's "kind of" bonus, we can use a bit of $ to take a break. We haven't taken a real break together since all this crap started (other than 5 days in september, but i was at a workshop - so again, not quiet time!)
If I could have my wish... well, obviously, none of us would be living this! BUT that asside - IF it was to fail - I'd like to take about 2 months and settle in central america somewhere... quiet... day to day... no stress... but that cannot happen. :(
Another option would have been to go visit my sister in Mexico, she's been there since Oct. - BUT she'll be home at the end of march - so that doesn't work either!
posted by Winnifred at 2:06 PM
6 Comments:
Life is short, take a holiday. You deserve it! The dog deserves it. Your husband deserves it. :-)
Very true -- i'll keep that in mind!!
Sorry for your friend's insensitivity...it just never ends.
I think a getaway is a great idea...you deserve it.
Thanks for your support on my blog.
good thinking about the vacation. I was thinking the same thing - if it fails, take a vacation. I say go for it!
p.s. - your friend sucks! Could she take a hint?
Your friend is probably telling the truth. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you intentionally, but she may also have been a bit oblivious. But then so are so many people, if we hold it against all of them then we wouln't have any friends left.
By the way, I think that 'Good in Bed' is a really good read, just maybe not right now? It gets more traumatic from where you are...
Thanks girls...
Thalia - you're right - I finished the book - and it's a good read - it just wasn't for me - not right now....
About my friend - her comments wouldn't annoy me if she didn't KNOW the depth of what i'm going through. This is somebody I talk about our situation with on a daily basis... that's what bugs me. I'm bugged often by things that others say - but i try not to take it to heart because most don't know/understand. I thought she understood because at this point, as a friend - she should. But she doesn't... as an another example - for the 10th time (maybe not 10 - but way too often) she told me on friday how her sister is SO LUCKY to have gotten pregnant since they thought she'd have fertility issues. She got pregnant the first month they tried. The fact that she knows that we're going through IVF and STILL brings this up DOES bug me. sorry...
Anyways - it's fine - i just try to ignore it...
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