It finally came!
My 10 yr high school reunion invitation!!! The one I was hoping would come so I could send it back and say "thanks, but i'm not coming" I worked SOOOOO hard on my self-esteem since high school... I dare say that I'm HAPPY with who I am now (minus the infertility - that's taken it's toll - i'm back to some old ways where I think i'm less worthy at times which frankly is rediculous to think of my esteem linked to IF - but everything else in my life seems to be linked to it - so maybe it's not so far fetched!)
A few years ago I had a aha! moment... one that made me realize that I had what I wanted in life... I didn't need to share that with ANYBODY. My life was exactly what I wanted. Ok, sure, there's still things i "want" but I realized that that was always going to be the case. If i accomplished everything i wanted from the get go - what would be the point of going on? I didn't need to prove anything. I realized then that when my 10 yr high school reunion came around I would be HAPPY not to go.
High school was ok for me... It wasn't horrible or anything... but i was the girl that was "everybody's friend"... You know the one? Takes no sides... can't stand confrontation... and people did like me, as a friend... which can hurt a little when you're a teenage girl... you want at least SOME poeple (aka the guy you have a major crush on!) to take you a little more seriously... and THEN in that same aha moment you realize that that guy hasn't changed since high school... and you have. What a sweet moment!
Some of those people I wouldn't mind seeing... I haven't talked to ANYBODY from high school in about 4 or 5 years... and before that it was very few in between. I went off to english school after HS and 98% either went to french school (since it was a french HS!) or didn't go on at all... so we lost touch... and i'm HAPPY about that. I now have friends that would walk to the end of the earth and back for me - real friends you DREAM about growing up... I FOUND THEM. I never would have had I remained friends with those i went to HS with. I probably would still have esteem issues - because i would never have gotten a clean slate.
I'll never know. Life, 10 yrs after graduating from HS is finally sweet. My 3 yr wedding anniversary is coming up in September and I honestly married the best guy out there for me! I'm expecting twins this fall... we have the house in the country we've always wanted... i'm going to be a stay at home mom/work from home mom and my business/art is where I want it to be at the moment. I would say I'm lucky - but it wasn't really luck... it was hard work (especially the pregnancy part!) and it paid off. If I attended the reunion I would most likely end up feeling little at some point in time... and that's just wrong.
:)
On a seperate note - this thing super ticked me off this morning... My dh got an email from the admin at work (we work together) saying he had a milk container in the fridge "that no longer looked like milk and could he deal with it before it exploded" He has a blackberry - so we got the email before we came in this morning (in the elevator actually!) and I was SOOOOOOO embarassed. I completely forgot that I had a container of milk at work in the fridge... I forget EVERYTHING since i'm pregnant i swear... it's just a little juice jug thing that has maybe a cup and a half of milk in it. We get to work and the "kitchen" is right by the entrance... and we go in - although i wasn't going to deal with it since i can't handle horrible smells since I'm pregnant... ANYWAYS - the container had a tiny bit of dry milk at the top which would indicate it was no longer good - but other than that? IT LOOKED LIKE WHITE MILK. I was expecting a disaster. The container had warped a tiny bit - but who's to say our container isn't warped?!?!?! The smell: NONE. It didn't even smell bad.
Just like that i went from being embarrased to being offended/insulted. WTF? I know I know - it's my hormones making me so ticked off - but give me a break. "no longer looks like milk" "before it explodes" when neither were true. ARH.
A few years ago I had a aha! moment... one that made me realize that I had what I wanted in life... I didn't need to share that with ANYBODY. My life was exactly what I wanted. Ok, sure, there's still things i "want" but I realized that that was always going to be the case. If i accomplished everything i wanted from the get go - what would be the point of going on? I didn't need to prove anything. I realized then that when my 10 yr high school reunion came around I would be HAPPY not to go.
High school was ok for me... It wasn't horrible or anything... but i was the girl that was "everybody's friend"... You know the one? Takes no sides... can't stand confrontation... and people did like me, as a friend... which can hurt a little when you're a teenage girl... you want at least SOME poeple (aka the guy you have a major crush on!) to take you a little more seriously... and THEN in that same aha moment you realize that that guy hasn't changed since high school... and you have. What a sweet moment!
Some of those people I wouldn't mind seeing... I haven't talked to ANYBODY from high school in about 4 or 5 years... and before that it was very few in between. I went off to english school after HS and 98% either went to french school (since it was a french HS!) or didn't go on at all... so we lost touch... and i'm HAPPY about that. I now have friends that would walk to the end of the earth and back for me - real friends you DREAM about growing up... I FOUND THEM. I never would have had I remained friends with those i went to HS with. I probably would still have esteem issues - because i would never have gotten a clean slate.
I'll never know. Life, 10 yrs after graduating from HS is finally sweet. My 3 yr wedding anniversary is coming up in September and I honestly married the best guy out there for me! I'm expecting twins this fall... we have the house in the country we've always wanted... i'm going to be a stay at home mom/work from home mom and my business/art is where I want it to be at the moment. I would say I'm lucky - but it wasn't really luck... it was hard work (especially the pregnancy part!) and it paid off. If I attended the reunion I would most likely end up feeling little at some point in time... and that's just wrong.
:)
On a seperate note - this thing super ticked me off this morning... My dh got an email from the admin at work (we work together) saying he had a milk container in the fridge "that no longer looked like milk and could he deal with it before it exploded" He has a blackberry - so we got the email before we came in this morning (in the elevator actually!) and I was SOOOOOOO embarassed. I completely forgot that I had a container of milk at work in the fridge... I forget EVERYTHING since i'm pregnant i swear... it's just a little juice jug thing that has maybe a cup and a half of milk in it. We get to work and the "kitchen" is right by the entrance... and we go in - although i wasn't going to deal with it since i can't handle horrible smells since I'm pregnant... ANYWAYS - the container had a tiny bit of dry milk at the top which would indicate it was no longer good - but other than that? IT LOOKED LIKE WHITE MILK. I was expecting a disaster. The container had warped a tiny bit - but who's to say our container isn't warped?!?!?! The smell: NONE. It didn't even smell bad.
Just like that i went from being embarrased to being offended/insulted. WTF? I know I know - it's my hormones making me so ticked off - but give me a break. "no longer looks like milk" "before it explodes" when neither were true. ARH.
posted by Winnifred at 9:11 AM
1 Comments:
I doubt I'll go to my 10 year reunion next year. I liked high school at the time, but I just can't think of anyone I want to see bad enough to warrant leaving my baby.
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