Tuesday, June 29, 2010

11w4d :: emotional wreck.

wow -- these pregnancy hormones are overwhelming these days.
Today I've wanted to cry all day for no reason at all.
Well, perhaps it's because I haven't slept well in 2 days.
Or that I woke up and my allergies were at least 80% worse today than they've been all spring/summer. (spring being my worse season normally)

or because my daugther is being incredibly assertive in her three & a half years and everyday it's harder and harder. Who ever said it was the terrible twos were wrong I think with my daugther. 3 1/2 has been our roughest phase yet. May it please be over soon. Of course having twins means twice the battles -- but my son isn't as hard -- although of course they rub off on each other. Thankfully, they do have each other to play with though -- because this phase would be even HARDER.

and maybe it's because this phase comes at a point in my life when I would like to take the time to soak up the happiness I'm living after more than a year and a half of absolute emotional HELL -- obviously -- my parenting probably suffered A LOT during those crazy difficult times... which probably means that she's ultra difficult a bit because of that.

Can I just say I cannot wait for infertility to be a very distant memory.

We'll tell the kids today or tomorrow that we're expecting... and then the rest of the extended family/cirle of friends by friday. Maybe it'll kick me out of my current funk. who knows.

I sound worse than I feel (i think!) --- I do have good days --- mostly good moments in days I suppose... but I'm incredibly happy and feel blessed everyday that we're expecting one baby. Of course those sentiments are ALWAYS followed by "if all goes well" because for some reason - I also believe that my happiness is minutes from being taken from me, daily. hopefully as the pregnancy progresses those feelings will STOP. because they SUCK.

11w4d and emotionally drained. feeling like a bitch, 80% of the days.


Blogger Roccie said...

You got a little crazy talk going on over here, my dear. Get some sleep and remember hormones own your body right now.

IF mostly made us crazy but it cant screw up our parenting. It is the one thing it cannot ruin - it would be against the laws of the universe. I am sure of it.

June 30, 2010 11:02 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

Hormones are so hard to handle. Especially through lack of sleep. Hope you're feeling on more of an even keel today!


July 04, 2010 4:24 PM  
Blogger Thalia said...

Completely understand things feel a little odd right now. Children always know when you are having a hard time, and toddlers are expert at playing up to it. Hang in there, things will get easier.

July 06, 2010 6:39 AM  
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