2dp2dt
I'm with embryos. Hopefully with gorgeous nearly ready to implant embryos -- still mind boggling to me that IVF has this element of 'wait and see' -- then again, I guess it's proof they are actually working WITH nature, so I should be somewhat happy. I do think it's time they develop ER & ET techniques that do NOT involve the speculum. seriously.
So on Sunday when we got our 'report' the embryologist said there was a tiny chance they call back for a 2dt. If so they'd call by 8, they know we're three hours away from the clinic. 8am rolls around, no call -- my husband get ready to leave for a bank apt. He steps out and at 8:30 (he's still in the yard!) the clinic calls his cell. Nice timing. Anyways -- they want us there by 11:30. Um, it takes THREE hours to just DRIVE there -- and we basically jumped in the car -- but we did have to get dressed (ok, just me -- my dh was ready and out the door already!) and call my MIL so she can take the kids. Thankfully she's here in 10 minutes flat -- and we rush out.
An hour into our drive we stop for gas and breakfast... and I realize I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET (and had that overwhelming sensation i had forgotten soemthing. yeah, something 'big'!) we have a mini freak out -- Adam pulls out the embryologist number he left us (oh, we know at this point that the OR staff will be 'waiting around for us to show up') we can't exactly head home and back adding an extra TWO hours to a 3 hour drive. We figure they'll tell us 'too bad, come tomorrow' and while dh is dialing he realizes 'wait a minute I have your hospital card, they gave it to me after the ER and I never put it in your wallet' (we ALWAYS put them back in the proper wallets - we used to try to figure out which card was where and it got crazy -- but there was too much going on that day he just put it in his!)
AH PHEW. crisis averted. We feel elated, like things have fully turned around -- that this 2dt is ok and such. Turns out in all our time at the clinic for the ET -- nobody even asked for my hospital card. So there, the mini crisis wasn't even necessary!
When we get to the clinic - we see a few nurses who mention "finally you're here!" um yes, we weren't kidding when we said 3 hours. one nurse seems excited about the transfer and I say "yes, but it's a 2dt?" (thinking "that's not a good thing/standard thing/normal thing") and she looks at me for more. stares. Then says "what do you mean? we do 2dt all the time here?" (not ALL the time, but OFTEN!!) wow. talk about stress leaving at once. I just said "wow - i didn't think so -- i've only had day 3 and they told us we should be doing day 3 again so I thought this was a question of "your embryos might not make it to day 3 (which frankly the embryologist kind of explained it that way) so we're transfering them earlier.
So we tranfered three day 2 embryos. one great, 2 so-so. Honestly -- the odds of this cycle working are feeling quite low for me, yet I'm handling the stress incredibly well. I've cried, but only a tiny bit -- normally (yes, i can say that -- four 2ww makes it that I can see patterns, if i wish!) i cry for hours. and hours. and freak out. and melt down. and scream. and hide. and scream. and freak out and melt down. it's hell. I realize i'm only on day 2 post transfer, but I'm not freaking out. I go from convincing myself that since the ER and embryology report -- it seems obvious to me our chances have gone down from 50% to a lot less. a lot less. I know I don't actually KNOW this -- and I HAVE to wait and see. and it 'only takes one' i know all this. but perhaps because last time I went through a fresh cycle I knew all that but still believed with every fibre of my being that STILL, it would work. it worked the first time, a fresh cycle WILL WORK. Now, I KNOW i don't have a damn clue.
let nature work. please god, let nature work. I'm trying to channel my family's overwhelming fertility so this works. Seriously -- my family is crazy fertile. Pass on the crazy fertile this way, please.
So on Sunday when we got our 'report' the embryologist said there was a tiny chance they call back for a 2dt. If so they'd call by 8, they know we're three hours away from the clinic. 8am rolls around, no call -- my husband get ready to leave for a bank apt. He steps out and at 8:30 (he's still in the yard!) the clinic calls his cell. Nice timing. Anyways -- they want us there by 11:30. Um, it takes THREE hours to just DRIVE there -- and we basically jumped in the car -- but we did have to get dressed (ok, just me -- my dh was ready and out the door already!) and call my MIL so she can take the kids. Thankfully she's here in 10 minutes flat -- and we rush out.
An hour into our drive we stop for gas and breakfast... and I realize I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET (and had that overwhelming sensation i had forgotten soemthing. yeah, something 'big'!) we have a mini freak out -- Adam pulls out the embryologist number he left us (oh, we know at this point that the OR staff will be 'waiting around for us to show up') we can't exactly head home and back adding an extra TWO hours to a 3 hour drive. We figure they'll tell us 'too bad, come tomorrow' and while dh is dialing he realizes 'wait a minute I have your hospital card, they gave it to me after the ER and I never put it in your wallet' (we ALWAYS put them back in the proper wallets - we used to try to figure out which card was where and it got crazy -- but there was too much going on that day he just put it in his!)
AH PHEW. crisis averted. We feel elated, like things have fully turned around -- that this 2dt is ok and such. Turns out in all our time at the clinic for the ET -- nobody even asked for my hospital card. So there, the mini crisis wasn't even necessary!
When we get to the clinic - we see a few nurses who mention "finally you're here!" um yes, we weren't kidding when we said 3 hours. one nurse seems excited about the transfer and I say "yes, but it's a 2dt?" (thinking "that's not a good thing/standard thing/normal thing") and she looks at me for more. stares. Then says "what do you mean? we do 2dt all the time here?" (not ALL the time, but OFTEN!!) wow. talk about stress leaving at once. I just said "wow - i didn't think so -- i've only had day 3 and they told us we should be doing day 3 again so I thought this was a question of "your embryos might not make it to day 3 (which frankly the embryologist kind of explained it that way) so we're transfering them earlier.
So we tranfered three day 2 embryos. one great, 2 so-so. Honestly -- the odds of this cycle working are feeling quite low for me, yet I'm handling the stress incredibly well. I've cried, but only a tiny bit -- normally (yes, i can say that -- four 2ww makes it that I can see patterns, if i wish!) i cry for hours. and hours. and freak out. and melt down. and scream. and hide. and scream. and freak out and melt down. it's hell. I realize i'm only on day 2 post transfer, but I'm not freaking out. I go from convincing myself that since the ER and embryology report -- it seems obvious to me our chances have gone down from 50% to a lot less. a lot less. I know I don't actually KNOW this -- and I HAVE to wait and see. and it 'only takes one' i know all this. but perhaps because last time I went through a fresh cycle I knew all that but still believed with every fibre of my being that STILL, it would work. it worked the first time, a fresh cycle WILL WORK. Now, I KNOW i don't have a damn clue.
let nature work. please god, let nature work. I'm trying to channel my family's overwhelming fertility so this works. Seriously -- my family is crazy fertile. Pass on the crazy fertile this way, please.
posted by Winnifred at 9:05 AM
2 Comments:
Your clinic isn't to good on communication it seems. Good to hear the 'emergency' 2dt is not an 'emergency' at all.
Did they give you the report with the speculum in again?
At my new clinic, they were decent enough to give me the report first, before I climbed into the stirrups even, and then do transfer. They don't do on-the-spot decisions on how many to transfer either, as far as I know.
The 2WW is crazy. Waiting and seeing, gah!
Perhaps you saw Thalia's comment on my blog recently, there is no good evidence that links embryo grades with outcomes.
Fingers crossed!
I don't seem to have your mail address, so I'll post a reply here.
Being an infertile in such a fertile family must be difficult at times.
I know what you mean about depression making you miss out. At least you're aware of the fact that watching your children grow is so precious. This isn't the case for all parents. I'm sure you're fighting your depressiveness as best you can and that you are there for your children.
No parent is perfect.
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