Today is my birthday.

and last night I realized that over the last FIVE birthdays -- I've had IF injections 3 years on my birthday. Once at the end of the first trimester, one was my very first injection of a fresh cycle and now i'm in the horrible 2ww.

three out of five. last night when the realization crossed my mind I started crying... thinking of the years of pain I've had. we've had. IF ONLY that was 5 years of pain. It took us a few years of trying before we got to the injections.

In those years I've had incredible blessings as well... but mostly, i've been in pain.

at least those thoughts were more last night than today -- I've managed to have a decent day. I was a knitting retreat for the day (I knit... a lot!) and for the first time all month our third fresh IVF cycle wasn't acute in my mind. I even manage to forget at times that I was in the 2ww. That is of course until I'd get up and walk around and realize that I can still feel my ovaries/uterus quite a bit. Sharp reminders of the current stress. That in my PIO shots are crazy itchy on my right side. only. HOW WEIRD IS THAT? no reaction on the left at all -- bumps + redness + itchiness on the right. odd.

My BETA should be on the 9th, next sunday. Normally I test the day before Beta, so I might test next Saturday. The clinic is closed on sundays -- so it's actually only monday the test... but sat. should give me a good idea.

I utter the words "please god" to myself at least 10,000 times a day. like NOT saying means it wont work out or something. like that makes sense.