Thursday, March 12, 2009

in FIFTY days from today

I start injections for IVF#2.

It's also my 30th birthday in fifty days.

It's like a weird twist that I start that day. For IVF#1 -- My very LAST injection of progesterone (@ 12 weeks of pregnancy) was on my birthday. It's like "full circle/picking up where the shots left off".

My dh was wondering what he should do for my 30th -- and I made it darn clear that no party was to be planned. I just don't need to handle that AND the beggining of the cycle at the same time. Not that the first injection is stressful -- and a party wouldn't be stressful AT ALL -- but combined, it would throw me in a weird state of being. He got it. He wont do anything.

Hope has returned. I still feel the sting of the failed FET -- but I feel hopeful for the new one. Maybe it's the sheer number of injections... like my logical brain is kicking in and saying "this HAS to bring better odds than a silly FET with a few pills!"

I know our odds are good -- but I'm scared to be TOO hopeful. I had too much hope in Nov. when we did our FET.

Of course the protocol starts in ONE cycle from today (since today is CD1) --> Next CD1=BCP. Fun, let the nausea begin.

I swore to myself that I'd use these months to eat better, take better care of ME -- and lose at least 10lbs. Should be EASY. But it's not. I can't stop eating sweets (which hasn't been a norm at all for a long time) and overall i'm exhausted and burning out... My mom is retiring in April -- and I plan on making the MOST of it :)