IT'S TODAY!!!

I'm being induced in a few hours... OMG.

I have quite high blood pressure today - they did blood work and decided it was for the best to induce. HOLY SHIT.

IT'S TODAY.

Pray that they come today... for a short labour! Otherwise, tomorrow at the latest we will meet our babies! We can't wait to find out what we're having!! :)

It's going to be manageable, right?

I'm a heck of a lot more calm than i thought i would be... my dh on the otherhand apparently JUST realized we're having babies! ha!HA! :)

37 weeks.

and yes, i'm still pregnant. VERY pregnant. Last night was absolute hell.

I have a dr. apt. tomorrow. She may tell me as of when i'll be on the induction list - OR she might say to wait till our next apt, the following wed. to but added to the list.

I keep thinking it's GOTTA be soon - i'm in so much pain - but then again - pregnancy wise things are going "well" - so i bet you I could be pregnant for quite a few more weeks.

Oh - and my thing about my SIL being in Europe right now and how she was so sure she woudln't miss the birth - i guess she was right. She'll be home in 2 days - and I doubt i'll be having the babies between now and then... My dh said he wished he could have proved her wrong!! Oh well... IF i happen to hear "I knew i'd be back" (or "she'd be back" because my MIL has been driving me nuts with this topic) I'll LOSE IT. (can you say HORMONAL??)

37 weeks pregnant and INCREDIBLY nauseated today... and sleeping on the sofa tonight again... man - i miss being comfortable in my bed... hopefully that's right around the corner!!!

WHY?

Ok... I'm having serious emotional issues this week. I can't seem to get over IF this week. That might sound stupid - especially to those of you who aren't pregnant yet... and i'm sorry if i sound offensive, there is no intention of that.

I can't believe I had to do IVF to become pregnant.

A little while back I saw this thing on TV about this woman having to give herself injections to become pregnant. My first thought "OMG - i couldn't imagine..." and then... the uncontrollable tears. I DID DO THAT. THAT WAS ME - not that long ago. it's like it's now surreal.

I've now realized why women who battle IF often don't fight afterwards... they "pretend it didn't happen" or "put it all behind them..." because apparently, that's what our mind does automatically - and i'm not even done yet.

I'm not done - although part of my emotional reck this week was "can i seriously think of doing this AGAIN??" and i have to - because i'm having more.

Maybe it stems from us laughing the other day that we wont be telling our twins who came out first... because i don't want others to treat them as "big brother/little brother" (or sister or whatever!) when they're TWINS. My sister said "that makes sense, besides they were concieved at the same time..." to which i replied "um yeah - but then so is our next child probably, if all works out..." Maybe that's why I can't shake things lately. Not sure.

Maybe it's because they're about to come out so i'm reliving how I got pregnant. Although that doesn't seem to make sense - do normal people at this point keep thinking about how they had SEX? doesn't seem logical... although that's the last time I had an IV put in. I've had many wand u/s in the last weeks to measure my cervix - and i hadn't had them since the day we found out it was twins at the IF clinic. So maybe... maybe it's all linked.

I don't know - I just hope it passes... SOON.

36w6d and wishing I would go in labour today... it's labour day in New Zealand! ha!HA!

I'm ready.

I'm no longer terrified of labour. I'm ready. I am positive that's why mother nature decided to make me ache so much!! I think you cross over this line where you can hardly tolerate the pain and then you realize that labour is OK and even welcomed. A few weeks ago I was totally terrified. I was obviously not in enough pain.

Everyday it hurts SO MUCH MORE than the previous day... BUT it's all worth it :) I'm also getting more and more hot i think... It's 14oC in our bedroom and I can sit there naked for hours and not be cold one bit. Actually - if I stay long enough i get hot. It's 14oC. I'm still wearing flip flops outside and i'm not cold. It's A LOT colder than 14oC outside. THIS IS NUTS. If it doesn't go away as soon as I deliver I wont be able to sleep in the same room as the babies... THEY can't be exposed to 14oC. That's rediculous. My dh is at the end of his rope too - i think he's turning on the heat tonight. I'd be opening the window. NO JOKE. I've never imagined it could be like this??? ALL i can say is THANK GOODNESS it's fall and no longer summer - i probably would have passed out by now. Last week one morning i was SO sick/uncomfortable... I opened the doors and brought the house down from 18oC to 15oC and I felt better. I realized I was overheating. At 18oC, imagine.

Yesterday we got fish :) Our aquarium was SO pathetic... We tried to stage it properly when we moved a while back - but we failed and killed all but one fish. We have a huge tank (55 gallons) and we had ONE fish :( Now we have 6 :) and we'll be cycling it properly and eventually we'll have 20+. FINALLY. it looks full of life again - we bought plants too (we have such issues with plants - it's CRAZY!!) hopefully these will do well... it looks fantastic - and it's like instant "better mood" for me! We have an open concept home and it's in the dining room but you can't avoid it from the kitchen and the living room - so it was "abandoned" right in our living space...

I asked my dh last night if he thought there was such a thing as a labour dance (you know, like a rain dance or sun dance...) and he said "i'm pretty sure that if you attempt ANY dance at this point it'll bring on labour!" ah!HA! I'd wash the walls but i can't physically do that at this point... although i think i'm going to wash our windows right now - cause they're annoying me like there's no tomorrow!!

PLEASE send labour vibes my way!! :)

36w5d pregnant and READY to meet these little ones!

36 weeks.

OMG. I kind of thought I would have had these babies by now!! I'm hoping for a quick labour maybe next week?

I'm in SOOOOOOO much pain... and it requires me doing NOTHING. Getting out of bed last night (10x) was nearly impossible :( i REALLY hope tonight will be better.

And..... I'M BORED? i don't know why now? it's like all of a sudden i feel very bored... maybe it's cause as limited as i WAS i wasn't doing much - but now i'm doing even less. if that's possible.

I had an apt. today... it went well... I really like the team of OBs I see - and the nurses are all great too... I hope the delivery staff is that great too! I asked about how they go about to induce - and she said that some drs will prefer to monitor very closely (u/s every 2 days) and some will just induce. I'm sitting here wondering what's best? At that point i'll have issues walking (i'm positive!) AND not everything can be caught in those monitoring u/s... AND how good can it be to be exposed to even MORE u/s? I've had SO MANY already - and one every 2 days could add up if the babies are very cozy!! It's hard to know which would be the best decision... BUT I'm going to go into labour on my own - next week - so it wont be an issue, right?

I CANNOT wait to meet the babies!!

Oh - and I might get the opportunity to have a photo session with one of my FAVORITE photographers next summer... my sister will be in nfld - and we plan on going to visit... that would be incredible... but i'll have to start saving now!!!

36w1d and incredibly pregnant... I cannot wait to actually be able to lie down in bed and feel comfortable!!! :) Now i totally understand why women who have had twins say "don't worry about sleeping while pregnant - you'll sleep later..." uh yeah - cause later i'll be ABLE to!!

ANY GUESSES on the sexes??

Have you ever...

Because all i have to do is bold what i've done and not type anything (carpal tunnel quite annoying today!) i thought i'd play...

stolen from Chas...the things I've done are bold:

01. bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. swam with wild dolphins
03. climbed a mountain
04. taken a ferrari for a test drive
05. been inside the great pyramid
06. held a tarantula
07. taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. said "i love you" and meant it
09. hugged a tree
10. bungee jumpedh
11. visited paris
12. watched a lightning storm at sea
13. stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. seen the northern lights (locally, not really up north - but crazy amazing sometimes!!)
15. gone to a huge sports game
16. walked the stairs to the top of the leaning tower of pisa
17. grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. touched an iceberg
19. slept under the stars
20. changed a baby's diaper
21. taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. watched a meteor shower
23. gotten drunk on champagne
24. given more than you can afford to charity
25. looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. had a food fight
28. bet on a winning horse (OK, so it was a dog...close enough)
29. asked out a stranger
30. had a snowball fight
31. screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. held a lamb
33. seen a total eclipse
34. ridden a roller coaster
35. hit a home run
36. danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. adopted an accent for an entire day
38. actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. had two hard drives for your computer
40. visited all 50 states
41. taken care of someone who was drunk
42. had amazing friends
43. danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. watched whales
45. stolen a sign
46. backpacked in europe
47. taken a road-trip
48. gone rock climbing
49. midnight walk on the beach
50. gone sky diving
51. visited ireland
52. been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. in a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. visited japan
55. milked a cow
56. alphabetized your cds
57. pretended to be a superhero
58. sung karaoke
59. lounged around in bed all day
60. played touch football
61. gone scuba diving
62. kissed in the rain
63. played in the mud
64. played in the rain
65. gone to a drive-in theater
66. visited the great wall of china
67. started a business
68. fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. toured ancient sites
70. taken a martial arts class
71. played d&d for more than 6 hours straight
72. gotten married
73. been in a movie
74. crashed a party
75. gotten divorced
76. gone without food for 5 days
77. made cookies from scratch
78. won first prize in a costume contest
79. ridden a gondola in venice
80. gotten a tattoo
81. rafted the snake river
82. been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. gotten flowers for no reason
84. performed on stage
85. been to las vegas
86. recorded music
87. eaten shark
88. kissed on the first date
89. gone to thailand
90. bought a house
91. been in a combat zone
92. buried one/both of your parents
93. been on a cruise ship
94. spoken more than one language fluently
95. performed in rocky horror
96. raised children (NOT YET...!)
97. followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. passed out cold
99. taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. walked the golden gate bridge
102. sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. had plastic surgery
104. survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. wrote articles for a large publication
106. lost over 100 pounds
107. held someone while they were having a flashback
108. piloted an airplane
109. touched a stingray
110. broken someone's heart
111. helped an animal give birth (ok - i grabed a rope for dad when i was like 10)
112. won money on a t.v. game show
113. broken a bone
114. gone on an african photo safari
115. had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
119. had major surgery
120. had a snake as a pet
121. hiked to the bottom of the grand canyon
122. slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (mono anyone??)
123. visited more foreign countries than u.s. states
124. visited all 7 continents
125. taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. eaten kangaroo meat
127. eaten sushi
128. had your picture in the newspaper
129. changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. gone back to school
131. parasailed
132. touched a cockroach
133. eaten fried green tomatoes
134. read The iliad - and the odyssey
135. selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. skipped all your school reunions
138. communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. been elected to public office
140. written your own computer language
141. thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. built your own PC from parts
144. sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. had a booth at a street fair (wasn't a street fair, but a baby fair)
146. dyed your hair
147. been a dj
148. shaved your head
149. caused a car accident
150. saved someone's life

35 weeks.

well, 35 weeks 2 days. OMG.

my belly is almost always lopsided :) it's kind of funny!
Last friday i felt baby B have hiccups for the first time!
U/S on tuesday... 5.5lbs and 5.8lbs... it was REALLY hard to get measurements for A - he or she is too low - it hurt SO bad for the tech to try to get measurements... but finally she managed (i think) to get somewhat accurate measurements... first time around she said 4.14 lbs... Um... that's 3ozs more than 3 weeks ago... IF that's accurate - SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG... I was getting annoyed - cause she kept saying that she couldn't get accurate measurements (fine!) but that things are ok... um... the point of these u/s is to figure out if there's a size difference... if there's NOT - then it indicates a PROBLEM. I'm not having these u/s just for fun... so either we manage more accurate measurements... or we get another tech in here (she's the ONE tech at the hospital that we don't really like :( the first time we had her she didn't even know how to capture the measurements for TWINS (as in where to write what)) or get the dr. in here so that we can discuss... but all turned out well, i'm 99% sure!

my nausea is HORRIBLE these days.

ALL my muscles hurt - ok - maybe not ALL - but nearly.

I'm not dialated :( but my cervix is quite short!! I hope my body continues to do the work slowly/painlessly/gradually...!!

Met with our doula again... i'm really happy we went with her.

We have an apt. with my family dr. for the BABIES. Yes, on Nov. 2nd they have their first drs apt. We don't even know for sure that they'll be here by then!! but that's our tentative apt. OMG. How real is it when you have an apt for unborn babies?

I've realized we don't have enough pj's for 0-3 months. I went from feeling quite prepared to really not. Really - we have everything... so we are prepared - a few more pj's will make us REALLY ready... so i'm not sure why i'm freaking out over that.

I also don't have nursing bras. Or nursing pads. They say you should wait till you're 35 weeks to buy a nursing bra. That's now. I'm in too much pain to go shopping. GREAT.

My carpal tunnel is getting worse daily. I'll live.

Yesterday I felt baby A's baby parts a lot - like i could make out either a knee or an elbow and such.... it was awesome.

We've decided not to share with ANYBODY who ends up being baby A and B. We're not sharing who's born first and second. I always thought it was weird for people to refer to twins as "older / younger sibling" kind of thing... and then i met a woman who didn't share with anybody which was born first... :) that's our goal anyways.

On Sat. morning, my SIL took photographs of my dh and I - i'm SO happy we have some!!! Although..... i wish we could have done it earlier... I officially feel like a blob! (and kind of look like one too!) I haven't been skinny in yrs - but i look at photos from not long before i was pregnant and think "damn i looked good!!" and really - i didn't look that good - it's just that i look WAY skinny compared to what i look like now! ha!ha!

35 weeks pregnant... READY for the babies to come -- but would like them to stay inside for another 2 weeks or so! :)

HEAVEN!!

This might be WAY too much information for some... sorry in advance...

BUT - my dh just shaved my legs - because there's NO WAY i can do it anymore... and it's like i just won the lottery... I feel so much better!!!

Thank goodness for wonderful husbands!!

I keep thinking that the tradition that says that the woman recieves a gift from her husband after going through labour (because frankly it's hard work!!) in our family needs to be reversed. He's done so much (read: everything!) over the pregnancy and even before when I was having a hard time with IF (at that point i could do lots - but he was doing LOTS more too, cause he's the BEST!)

He doesn't read my blog... but STILL i had to praise him... Can't imagine doing this without him :)

On the pregnancy front - i've decided to NOT attempt more than FIVE hours in bed (which isn't straight anyways - i go pee AT LEAST once an hour!!) and spend the rest of the time on the sofa... hopefully it'll help, although i'm at the point where i'm pretty sure NOTHING will help! And I really didn't think this was possible... but i'm way warmer NOW than i have been all pregnancy... you CANNOT imagine how thankful I am that it's fall :)

Tomorrow.... we get to see the babies again :) I hope all is well...

34 weeks.

well, 34w4d.

The babies will be here within the next 3 1/2 weeks. OMG.

I'm still planning a natural drug free birth. I was just replying on a thread on a message board, basically defending my choice. I don't understand. WHY can't people understand that there are SO MANY ways for people to deliver and for each of us, our ideal delivery will be different than the next persons? So what if i want to go drug free? why does that ruffle people so much?

Tonight.... it went as far as saying that modern medicine should be APPRECIATED and has eliminated the need to go drug free. That "some of us" wouldn't be here (pregnant) without IVF. Um... ME NEITHER!!!! Doesn't mean that given the OPTION i would have opted to go through IVF. Call me crazy - but i would have opted for the old fashion, natural way... I WOULD HAVE HAD SEX ;) like normal people!! Now i have a choice on how I deliver... I consider that LUCKY.

Goodness knows there's a high chance I end up in a c-section - I KNOW THAT. High chance i end up with an epidural as well - I KNOW THAT. I'm ok with either - but they're not my first choice... that's all.

(can you tell i'm VERY hormonal?)

I'm at the point now where I REALLY don't want them to come yet - but at the same time I CANNOT wait for them to come. I ACHE everywhere... and I cry getting out of bed - which is about 5-6 times a night. I honestly think I might fall out of bed before this pregnancy is over :(

Last night we had thanksgiving diner. We have another one tomorrow. And we have a kitchen full of leftovers. No need to cook for quite a while :) I am missing 2 family gatherings this week-end - because i'm in way too much pain to travel to them :(

Talking about IVF (way above... not relating to thanksgiving!) I showed 2 of my close friends a bunch of photos i had printed recently... One of them was a self portrait I did a while back - way before getting pregnant - where you see my eyes and a book opened hiding/suffocating me as a symbol and you can REALLY read the title, it's a huge part of the photograph...(the book: Infertily SUCKS) I would say the image is strong... raw... REAL... sad even. One of my friends said "oh that's so cute!" I almost burst into tears. WHAT? Cute? last thing that crossed my mind when I TOOK the image, nor when i see it. I guess there's just different level of comprehension? I might try to post the photograph if anybody wants to see it - i just don't have it properly sized on this computer yet! Those 2 are the only 2 people that will see that photograph in real life. I guess i picked wrong.

34+ weeks pregnant, crazy hormonal again... and almost sure of our boy names!! (we've had girl names for A LONG TIME!! i think they were finalized before we got a BFP!!)