33 weeks.

yes, 33 weeks.

In a MAX of 5 weeks, the babies will be here. Obviously it could be sooner. I kind of hope it is - because i would like to avoid being induced if at all possible!! So in like 4 1/2 weeks would be perfect. that would bring me to 37 1/2.

Things are going well - although i'm HUGE and now seriously feeling the effects. Being in bed HURTS - i've just about given up on it... I do sleep quite a bit - i'm impressed - but i get up often. Last night, no joke - i think i got up 8 times. In 7 hrs.

We had an u/s today... everything looks great -- baby A seems stuborn and really hard to wake up - even with baby B kicking... I couldn't help but think "that's JUST like me!!" when i'm not pregnant - i'm DEAD to the world when i sleep!! Shaking me often has no impact on it either. Lets pray baby A is like that when he/she comes out! Oh - and baby A is 4 lbs 11 ozs and baby B is 4:12. OMG. That's like 9 1/2 pounds of baby in me already!! :) I'm glad they're gaining loads though!!

The baby laundry is done. Everything smells like Ivory Snow :) The room is nearly ready... every night seems like we add some little touch - but it's looking great. The art is nearly up as well... I framed a t-shirt that belonged to my dh as a baby and I framed a little knitted vest that my mom's godmom made for me... she died right around the same time i was born :( The framed clothing look GREAT - turned out much better than i was expecting!! I also photographed all of our favorite toys from when we were little (mine and my 3 siblings and my dh's and his sister's) so we'll have a collection of 6 to frame :) i just have to actually frame them now! (i have the frame - but dh has to help - my carpal tunnel is too far gone for me to be able to do it by myself)

I've recovered 1/3 of the glider we got (the seat only) and I NEED to finish the rest ASAP!! (before my hands completely let out!) I've recovered our ottoman in the living room - it was pissing me off!! I finished my diaper bag!! and I still need to finish both slings... I'm spending too much time trying to figure out HOW i want to finish them - so i haven't done them... I've decided (i think! i hate being indecisive like this!!) to skip the zippered pocket and just put accent fabric on it - but with an opening so i can basically fold the sling in... again - NOT SURE!!

This is a photo of me taken last week... @ 32 weeks.


and here are photos of my diaper bag :)




33 weeks 1 day pregnant and today i've been incredible nauseated... nothing has helped :( I just hope it doesn't keep getting worse and worse... this could be as bad as it gets, right? (cause it's pretty bad!) BUT...... it's all worth it :)

If you're going through HELL...

When going through IF *hell* after every appointment on the way home (so at the beginning of the 3hr drive home!) we'd always put on "Up" by Shania Twain... Cause it seemed to sum up how we felt - and it was also a little bit of hope! Oh - and this means a lot considering my dh hates country music!! He can tolerate Shania! ha!HA! (i on the other hand like country music and love their lyrics!)

"Up!"

It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way--
yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily

Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear

[Chorus:]
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here

Even something as simple as
Forgettin' to fill up on gas
There ain't no explanation why--
things like that can make you cry
Just gotta learn to have a laugh

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

When everything is goin' wrong
Don't worry, it won't last for long
Yeah, it's all gonna come around
Don't go let it get you down
You gotta keep on holding on

It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing want to go my way--
yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh-- I'm going up [4x]
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

This is a new song that EVERYTIME i hear it I tear up and think "that's such a going through IF song!!" Of course it has NOTHING to do with IF... but it seems like a message that might help... well, not really - NOTHING helps - but it seems to represent what some of us live... I just had to share!

IF YOU’RE GOIN’ THROUGH HELL

Written by Dave Berg, Annie Tate and Sam Tate

WELL YOU KNOW THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE
THERE’S A SIGN THERE ON YOUR BACK
THAT SAYS I DON’T MIND IF YOU KICK ME, SEEMS LIKE EVERYBODY HAS
THINGS GO FROM BAD TO WORSE
YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE THAN THAT
AND THEN THEY DO

YOU STEP OFF THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW
AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE
USED THE NEEDLE OF YOUR COMPASS, TO SEW UP YOUR BROKEN HEART
ASK DIRECTIONS FROM A GENIE IN A BOTTLE OF JIM BEAM
AND SHE LIES TO YOU
THAT’S WHEN YOU LEARN THE TRUTH

CHORUS

IF YOU’RE GOIN’ THROUGH HELL KEEP ON GOING
DON’T SLOW DOWN IF YOU’RE SCARED DON’T SHOW IT
YOU MIGHT GET OUT BEFORE THE DEVIL EVEN KNOWS YOU’RE THERE

I’VE BEEN DEEP DOWN IN THAT DARKNESS
I’VE BEEN DOWN TO MY LAST MATCH
FELT A HUNDRED DIFFERENT DEAMONS BREATHIN’ FIRE DOWN MY BACK
AND I KNEW THAT IF I STUMBLED I’D FALL RIGHT INTO THE TRAP
THAT THEY WERE LAYIN’

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THERE’S ANGELS EVERYWHERE OUT ON THE STREET
HOLDIN’ OUT A HAND TO PULL YOU BACK UP ON YOUR FEET
THE ONE’S THAT YOU’VE BEEN DRAGGIN’ FOR SO LONG
YOU’RE ON YOUR KNEES MIGHT AS WELL BE PRAYIN’
GUESS WHAT I’M SAYIN’

CHORUS

IF YOU’RE GOIN’ THROUGH HELL KEEP ON GOING
DON’T SLOW DOWN IF YOU’RE SCARED DON’T SHOW IT
YOU MIGHT GET OUT BEFORE THE DEVIL EVEN KNOWS YOU’RE THERE
WHEN YOU’RE GOIN’ THROUGH HELL KEEP ON MOVIN’
FACE THAT FIRE WALK RIGHT THROUGH IT
YOU MIGHT GET OUT BEFORE THE DEVIL EVEN KNOWS YOU’RE THERE

IF YOU’RE GOIN’ THROUGH HELL KEEP ON GOING
DON’T SLOW DOWN IF YOU’RE SCARED DON’T SHOW IT
YOU MIGHT GET OUT BEFORE THE DEVIL EVEN KNOWS YOU’RE THERE
WHEN YOU’RE GOIN’ THROUGH HELL KEEP ON MOVIN’
FACE THAT FIRE WALK RIGHT THROUGH IT
YOU MIGHT GET OUT BEFORE THE DEVIL EVEN KNOWS YOU’RE THERE
YOU MIGHT GET OUT BEFORE THE DEVIL EVEN KNOWS YOU’RE THERE

The song is by Rodney Atkins and you can hear it on his website, there's a link the to music video... which in my opinion could have been a whole lot more powerful... doesn't seem like my idea of HELL - but either way - the lyrics do speak to me.
RodneyAtkins.com

If you're still going through HELL at the moment... I'm sending happy thoughts your way... I have hope that we can all get out before the devil even knows we were there!

hugs!

31 weeks.

Already? I know - i seem to say that every week - but really? i'm OVER 30 weeks?

Symptoms wise - i could be doing better -- but at the same time I could be doing a whole lot worse... I'm not complaining... the biggest physical symptom is really bad carpal tunnel... i wear a sexy brace to bed at night... my left hand is numb - and the tip of my fingers have lost all feeling... and my right hand is following... talk about an ODD sensation...

I've had fetal movement stress these last few days... The movement i feel is so weak that i keep wondering if i feel it at all :( I go hours without feeling anything... but then I realized yesterday with my hand on my belly that i felt movement in my hand, but it didn't even register before i felt it in my hand - which frankly is weird? I finally had a meltdown yesterday... My dh is INCREDIBLY suportive... BUT about this movement thing he keeps saying "yeah but the odds of something being wrong are so slim... i'm sure it's all fine" Yesterday when he came home from work i was napping -- and when i got up I lost it... "I'm stressing about the movement AND about you always telling me it's FINE... we don't know that it's fine..." I KNOW he thinks i'm reading more into this because of a girl i know who lost her baby at 39 weeks -- but it's NOT related to that - i'm HONESTLY nervous...

I finally just said "i'm SO stressed" and immediately I got through to him... He said "do you want to go to triage now, or wait till after diner?" So we ate - thinking it would increase movement - as it always does... i lied down for over an hour after diner and counted a total of 5 weak movements :( I had been drinking cold water too - cause that is supposed to help... anyways - i finally called the hospital -- she said "drink a cold drink, sugar or not, and count for the next hr and call back..." and sure enough baby A woke up! I counted 25+ movements in that next hr... I mean i WAITED over an hour to call - i didn't think that would do it - but it did?! Baby B i only felt like 6 in that hour (maybe 10 in the 2hr) and she said she was happy with that -- that unhealthy babies wouldn't give me this much movement...

Bottom line: the call itself let me finally RELAX!! I'm still not sure why i'm feeling so much less - but at least i'm feeling "enough"... and tomorrow I go for an u/s to check up on them :)

Last week at my apt I was measuring 38 weeks. I was actually 30 weeks. NO WONDER i feel like i feel... I'm officially in waddle mode :( but i'll get over it!

It's starting to freak me out to think that the babies COULD be here in like 4 weeks. OMG. Not super likely - but the average is 35/36 weeks at the hospital we're at... so it COULD happen!

We've met with a few doulas and we've nearly booked one :) and she's a photographer as well - so i'm completely excited!! She said something that was like music to my ears when we met... "I don't believe in fake encouragement so I wont be yelling "you can do it! you can do it!" while you're in labour..." the minute she left i turned to my dh and said "I was sold when she said that!!" and he knew it!! When we did our prenatal courses a few weeks ago - they showed a video with a doula that was really "encouraging" that way - and when the video was done I said "goodness, that would drive me up the wall!!" ha!HA! so it was funny that she actually said that! :) i am happy!

Fall has been cool so far - and i'm beyond happy! It's been soooooo nice!! my dh is almost ready to turn on the heat (or close some of the windows i wont allow to be closed) and i'm BOILING. Goodness how times have changed... last fall I had to BEG to turn on the heat eventually... he's very energy ($) conscious -- it's really funny/odd to have the roles reversed this year (although mine has NOTHING to do with $ - just comfort!!)

We've started doing some of the baby laundry - cause we got SO much stuff at our shower... now it very much smells like baby in the nursery!! :) I bought a jug of Ivory Snow, just for the smell really... I think we will just use Tide Free for the rest of the stuff - so we're not spending a mini fortune on detergent!! Although I might have to buy another jug first... i really like the smell :)

Ok - enough babbling...

31 weeks pregnant and starting to realize that we might actually be taking 2 babies home this fall??!?!

30 weeks.

OMG. 30 weeks. 70 days until 40 weeks... and the odds of me making it all the way to 40 weeks are SLIM. OMG. It's starting to sink in, i think.

I had my shower on the week-end... well, one of my showers... the big one. It was nice... I thought i'd be a basket case - but i survived... I think i realize WHY i wasn't such a basket case... because MY family "grounds" me in a wonderful way... and unfortunately - i live over an hour away from them... and only 5 minutes away from my dh's parents... so GUESS who we see more often? And i've decided that my MIL is driving me nuts... and i can only share that here apparently - because everybody else just answers "yeah, but she's just excited..." FINE - i get that - but these are still OUR babies and you'll be the GRANDMOTHER - they're not "yours" as you keep referring to them as.

The shower started quite late - although it was fine since we were all just chatting... but it was because my mom didn't want to start without my dh's family there (mom, sister, aunt, friend of the family x2) they all came together... they were over an hour late. When they finally got there they said "sorry, we didn't realize how far it was..." arh. FINE, you're late for whatever reason - but the NIGHT before i was telling her EXACTLY how long it would take her... so don't say you didn't expect it to take that long?

Also, last night they came over for diner... which was nice... and we went through all the shower gifts... when i mentioned that i was going to wash the clothes soon before the babies are here she looked at me like i had 2 heads :( What? you're going to WASH all these NOW? it was like i would RUIN them even before the babies got to wear them... Um... EVERYBODY washes their baby clothes before they arrive?? or at least before the babies wear them? She kept saying "don't bother..." um... they're GETTING WASHED!!! Even my dh said "what? who knows how much dust and stuff can be in those and how many hands have handled them at the stores and such??" Oh - and i think what got to me the most yesterday was how she was talking to my dh... "oh poor you, you look soooooooo tired..." i swear sometimes i'm sure she says things like that cause my dh is taking such GOOD care of me... he does almost everything here - but he's not complaining... but then on the flip side, last week when he mentioned me backing into the tree and FREAKING out that dh would be upset (which was crazy - i know - he never gets mad at me...) anyways - she couldn't stop saying "what? if she reacts like that it's probably cause you act like that... you need to offer SUPPORT... not make her feel bad and get mad at her..." and he kept saying "NO, those were her hormones - of COURSE i wasn't going to get mad at her..." (again, he really never does!!) i'm starting to think she's got to be just as hormonal as me - because her behavior is all over the map!!

I know i'm sounding like a baby - i get that. I know I just need to let go - i know. I'm pregnant - and my hormones are beyond logic.

Sunday was my dh's birthday... we spent the night at my sister's (where the shower was) on Sat. so Sunday morning we had a birthday breakfast before heading home... the Sunday before had been my mom's birthday - but she was out west for a wedding so we didn't get to celebrate - so we did breakfast for both mom and my dh... and had left over baby shower cake for birthday cake :) ANYWAYS - i've been made to feel quite guilty about it :( My SIL couldn't be at diner on Sunday... so she "missed" my dh's birthday... and APPARENTLY that wouldn't have happened IF we would have COME HOME from the shower on SATURDAY and have been able to do breakfast on SUNDAY morning with his family. I guess MY family doesn't matter. I guess the fact that I REALLY didn't want to have my shower and "rush back" home, leaving people still there (the last guest left at 9pm - typical with my family...!! and i KNEW that would happen!!) and I guess fact that I REALLY didn't want to celebrate my mom's birthday like a month late means nothing. it's unbelievable how often i heard "oh poor SIL had to miss A.'s birthday....... " like that's MY fault? Yeah - i know she had to work (in town) - FINE - but A talked to her just before 8 and she had to go cause she was on her way out to a movie to relax (she's overworked these days!) anyways.... instead 30 minutes later she could have been with us, to wish her brother a happy birthday - if in fact it was such a big deal.

What i feel worse about -- I haven't gotten my dh anything yet for his birthday :( I haven't been doing too well - and i've been home most of the time - so i have yet to get him something. NEED to get that done!

Tomorrow is our 3yr anniversary... we got married at an outdoor location and we're planning a picnic there (with takeout from one of our favorite restaurants) tomorrow night :) we also get to see the babies again! :) Lets hope they're still vertex!!

30 weeks pregnant, still thinking this is a dream most of the time... I keep thinking if i actually come home with 2 perfect babies it'll be a MIRACLE...!! and...... my heartburn is SO MUCH WORSE!! but it's ALL WORTH IT! :)