Sunday, February 26, 2006

I feel GREAT.

I feel like a new person. I feel like I lost a good 10 pounds even though i haven't - i just feel comfortable for the first time in a while. Before the ER I felt "full" - my stomach was hard and I couldn't move without feeling my ovaries... After the ER I felt like I had been ran over by a car - just over my stomach... it felt horrible... when I decided to ask for pain killers after the ER I thought the pain had all come in (cause it's weird - immediately after the ER i felt perfectly fine for about 45 minutes or so! then the pain started...) anyways - so i didn't take the tylenol with codeine, just the normal tylenol... but then i got so much MORE pain i regretted it. Then on the day of the ER I had to take a double dose of progesterone which I'm guessing is what caused my really bad nausea.....

Yesterday, 1dp3dt I felt "ok" but not great... today, 2dp3dt - I feel REALLY good. I can still feel my stomach once in a while - but no pain at all just a reminder that something "happened"! I keep hoping it's a good sign - but then again i could be convinced of just about anything at this point.

I'm HOPING that this means i'm in the clear and no longer have to worry/think about OHSS - but i have no idea.

I'm also confused about the testing. When I left the clinic on Friday she said "you have to schedule your BETA for 14 days from today" so that's 17 days past ER. Seems people get an accurate reading from an HPT at 10dp3dt..... Oh - and if my ET was on a Friday, is 14 days later Thursday? or Friday? (i know, i know... ask the clinic!)

To think that one week ago today we were doing yet another u/s and told to trigger that night...... and now.... we just wait. My dh is going back to work tomorrow and i think it's a good thing - this 2ww seems worse on him than on me!! yesterday i was restless but that's because i've been on a semi-self-inflicted bed rest... and i got bored. I have LOADS to do for the next 2 weeks - business stuff to organize, but i need to wait till tomorrow to start all that stuff... this is my "doing absolutely nothing to try to up my chances as much as I can!!" time...


Friday, February 24, 2006

until proven otherwise...

i guess I can say i'm pregnant till then? or do we say "i'm with embryo" vs "i'm with child?" (not that that's an expression i'd use anyways! ha!ha!)

The transfer was this morning. I'm SICK.... and it's 100% worse in the car (actually - i think it is basically ONLY in the car that i'm sick) and that really sucks when your drive is...... 4 hrs. that's how long it took us to get to the clinic this morning. 3 to get home. so 7 hours when your car sick - NOT GOOD!!

We transfered 2. The dr. strongly advised us to transfer 2 - as we had 3 really good embryos.... but that's it. NOTHING TO FREEZE. At least they don't think so - they'll give them more time and get back to us.

Thalia - I saw your comment on triplets - i couldn't agree more... that's the absolute last thing i'd want... I wanted 3 embryos because i wanted to up our odds of having it work period - but i had no intentions of transfering 3 "great" embryos - i was thinking more along the lines of 2 good ones and an ok one and manage to freeze others - but turns out that was not in our cards.

The dr. said that at 26 they rarely transfer more than 2 - especially not good ones like i had. the most annoying part of today though was that she went over all this while i'm "ready" on the table - it all made sense - but she said "think about it you still have a few minutes" and the dr. doing the actual transfer was already using the speculum on me (which i HATE with a passion) it was NOT a pretty site.

Of course if it doesn't work i'm going to kick myself that we didnt transfer the 3.
If it works and we have twins i'm going to count my blessing that we didn't transfer 3.
If it works, and only one takes - then i wont care about the third embryo that didn't make it to transfer.

it's weird though - that 3rd embryo is "good" but will never be used because we wont freeze one embryo.

As we walked out of the hospital my dh said "goodness, I'm already hating this 2 week wait - and it's only just begun!" he's soooo optimistic - which is NOT the norm for him... I often get upset with him over being too negative (not about infertility - i just mean in life... he tends to think things wont work until he can see that they do - where as i'm the other way around... and in this journey - the roles have been reversed... although that might have to do with all the injections i'm taking and he's not! ha!HA!)

thanks everybody for the well wishes... and for delurking to some of you :) thanks!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Fertilized Eggs.

We have FERTILIZED eggs. OMG.

We had the retrieval on Tuesday. Both of us. THEY FOUND SPERM!! YAHOO!!!!! We still didn't know for sure until Tuesday.... but now we know!! Unfortunatly they didn't get enough to freeze :( that means my poor dh will probably need to go through that procedure again :( that part SUCKS! but like i keep saying - this is "not great news" but it's NOT bad news. THERE IS SPERM! :)

They retrieved 24 eggs, 14 mature and 11 fertilized. Those are "good" numbers, at least i believe they are. For the first time i've allowed myself to think "this might work!"

The embryologist called again this morning (2 days past retrieval) to tell us that the transfer is at 10am on Friday morning.... and that 3 are doing GREAT, the rest are average... and of course lots can happen between now and 10 am tomorrow.

I think we're going to be transfering 3 embryos... at least i HOPE so. I NEED THIS TO WORK!!!

I'm far from getting my hopes up - but for the first time i now think there's a possibility. I cannot believe that there are now embryos out there with my dh & i's DNA. OMG. That by itself is a major accomplishement for us!

Sunday, February 19, 2006


We left friday morning at 5:30 am to get to our 9:30 appointment (yes, that's four hours!) and.... we got home today, SUNDAY, at 1pm. We left thinking we might have to spend the night, since we knew there was a possibility of a saturday scan and we figured we should stay in town and avoid the 6 hr round trip - especially since the roads were bad (understatement). Sure enough, i needed another scan on Saturday - AND i needed to keep my puregon in the frige (i asked the nurse and she said it was VERY important...) anyways - so we ended up having to rent a suite and it cost a fortune... I had a melt down... yeah hormones!! :( Anyways - on Saturday - we thought we were coming home after the scan (and goodness i was craving my bed!!) but.... the dr. reviewing the cases was late... very late... we didn't leave the hospital till 4pm -- (we got there at 8:30!) and.... we needed a sunday scan... so we had to spend the night again!! we raced to get to a store - any store - before it closed at 5pm cause it was Sat. to get something to wear the next day... um, like clean underwear! We were both annoyed and tired and we REALLY wanted to go home... BUT we kept reminding ourselves that so far everything is going WELL - which is a GOOD THING... they needed the extra monitoring because we were so close... so far everything is GOOD.

This morning - my third scan in a row (fifth for the cycle!) ... the dr. said "YOU'RE READY!!" so I trigger tonight... Um... I TRIGGER TONIGHT. tonight. at 10 pm. How real is that??

One stress was that they were saying we were most likely ready for a tuesday collection - but that they didn't have a urologist available on tuesday - monday: fine. wednesday: fine. but not tuesday... lets just say that when you've been waiting for this for 2 1/2 yrs (well, not ivf - back then i was just hoping we'd get pregnant!!) anyways - it was upsetting to think that we'd have to delay an extra day "just because" they didn't have a dr. available.... frustrating when you think "you're scheduled the week of feb 20th, but really that doesn't include tuesday??" anyways - finally the nurse reached the dr. who agreed to do it on tues. if we really needed it. A phew. Considering we had to wait from Oct. to Jan (and then moved to feb because of me, not them) I felt that we deserved it when we needed it - no?

So - as of now, everything is "ok". I need to drink lots of liquid and PRAY a whole lot that OHSS stays FAR FAR away!! Beyond that I have to pray with everything i've got that they'll find sperm to work with from my dh. I just read a post on a message board about a couple who had surgically removed sperm that was frozen and her cycle failed.... and they we're sure if it would ever work... and sure enough - that was enough to send me in a panic mode. I'm TERRIFIED that it wont work.... I should stay away from blogs/message boards - but at the same time they're so important to my sanity these days...!

I came home and napped (i told you - i was craving MY bed!) and my mom called while i was sleeping - although i woke up cause there's a phone in our room - anyways- my dh told her what was going on and stuff and said i'd call back... I just called back and she's out but my sister was home and sure enough, disinterested as could be. She talked more about the horrible road conditions than anything else... and then basically ended the conversation with "anything else you wanted?" to which i really wanted to reply "oh so sorry to be bothering you!" but then - i wasn't expecting anything more - but i guess the hormones/emotions make it harder to be proven right, you know?

Anyways - i'm officially off work now until March 7th or 8th... (shortly before my beta i'm guessing? but i'm not sure yet when my beta will be!) anyways - that part feels really good.

I can't believe it's here. A. and I both said how now that it's scheduled for Tuesday - we both feel relief and border line exitement. I'm still really scared - of it not working... I want guarentees - i'm NOT a gambler... but I don't have a choice. Tuesday will be the biggest day - we find out if my dh has any sperm AT ALL (he should - but we still don't know for sure.) and we'll know how many eggs they retrieve... I'm hoping that out of my 29 follicules - i get lots... and in turn many embryos... BUT at this point in time - I seriously want at least enough to get us pregnant this once - we'll deal with future cycles when the time comes to worry about that!

I SERIOUSLY feel my ovaries right now - bending over is not fun - and i'm guessing my trigger shot will make things feel physically more real - but i'm hoping for the best, obviously!

And thanks to those who post replies - they're MUCH appreciated.... thanks for the kind words!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Last day at work?

Today might be my last day at work for 2+ weeks (possibly 3 weeks) but i'm not sure yet. I have an u/s & bloodwork appointment tomorrow... then we'll know if my next u/s is Sat. or Monday (although it could be some other day as well i suppose) So...

If it's Saturday --

  • we will spend the night in mtrl since it's a 3+ hr drive to get to the clinic and back to back days doesn't make much sense.
  • high chance that my retrieval would then be the Monday, which means i'm off work, for 2 weeks following the retrieval.

If it's Monday --

  • we come home and go back on Monday
  • high chance my retrieval would then be on Wednesday. That would mean technically I could come to work on tuesday but the psychiatrist we saw said that a few days of rest PRIOR to the retrieval is ideal - so i'm thinking because i get sooo stressed at work I will take the tuesday off as well. That means i'd be off for 2 weeks following the wed. So from tomorrow untill possibly March 9th.

Who knows really. In Jan. I was practically counting the hours of work i had left before being off for IVM..... and that all fell through and I had to come back to work (obviously!!) so this time around I'm taking it day by day and today has been the first day i've allowed myself to think "maybe this is my last day" and i've felt SOOOOOOO much better because of it. I even surprised myself in my ability to take things "day by day" - I thought that was long gone.

Besides all my hypothetical thinking, I think the hormones are now impacting my sleep - but so far in a minor way - no complaints at all... I did dream last night that I was somewhere (no idea where) and this girl was doing IVF and couldn't do her injections... and asked me if I could do them for her... and i was like "yeah, sure... i'm a pro at this - it's a piece of cake!!" ha!HA! how far i've come, even if only in my dreams!!! Oh - and I wouldn't wish the imaginary protocol she was on to anybody... you should have seen the amount of hormones she had to take..... I'm sure that stems from me thinking that the "drops" of hormones i'm injecting myself with must be darn amazing hormones to think that they do what they do... anybody else find that? The Puregon that lasts for 3 days and looks like drops is quite amazing in my opinion!!

Today I'm also feeling my ovaries (or so i think?) It's a nagging feeling - but not painful at all... not even a bother. I don't know if it'll get worse before the retrieval...

Today they're calling for horrible weather..... 5-10 cm of snow & 6+hrs of FREEZING RAIN overnight. Tomorrow morning they're calling for RAIN... on top of 6 hrs of freezing rain - it'll make for a potentially crazy drive... we're now planning on leaving at 5:15 am (maybe even 5) for our 9:30 appointment. Oh and the automatic car is out of commission at the moment, so we're taking the 5 speed, which sucks on the icy hills of downtown mtrl.

Today is Thursday. By this time next week... I will most likely be done my ER - and it will possibly be the day of my ET. NOW it's feeling a little more real.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

13 + 16 = ...........


DO YOU think I [intelligent, math brained person] could come up with that answer when I've got the wand up my ... ? Of course not. I lay there and giggled as I couldn't come up with the answer... my dh came in for the u/s for the first time today - he was freaked out, but i gave him a "get over it" look... - anyways - when it was all done he said "so 29, that's good, right?" i was like "yeah... 29! thanks!" ha!HA!HA! (goodness know i need to laugh these days!) on the way there I asked my dh how many he thought i had and I said "28" at the same time he said "21" :) Now lets pray for 20+ eggs!!!

So... all is good - follicules are "small" but apparently in the norm... now i have to keep praying i don't over stimulate... (I have PCO which is why my # is that high and also why i'm at a higher risk for OHSS) And of course, I have to keep praying that they keep growing... THEY CAN.... :)

today, life is 'ok'. I had this overwhelming fantasy the other day... that almost had me in giggles... thinking "maybe just maybe we can get 20+ embryos... and by some miracle have ALL OF our children from THIS fresh cycle... you know, twins this time around... FET with maybe 1? and then I want at least 4, so that means ANOTHER FET and then.... I could get twins again... " WOW what a fantasy. When is it exactly that it happens? going from praying/hoping that we can get pregnant "naturally" and then having fantasies that maybe, just maybe we can have 5 kids for like 12 000$. ha!HA!

I did have a shot outburst awhile ago... i was having my 100th cup of tea (i don't feel well today and tea always helps!) and my beagle jumped on the sofa and in turn on me after i told him NOT to jump on me - dripped tea everywhere.... but worse - he put his paw right on my injection site and i had JUST done them... so i yelled :( and he was scared of me... he didn't want to come close to me and then..... i couldn't stop crying. He went upstairs to sleep (which he doesn't normally do till later in the evening...) and i tried to convince him to come sleep beside me on the sofa but he wouldn't. i couldn't stop crying :( we both eventually got over it...... :)

Today life is good.... although my attention span is VERY low. VERY. VERY VERY VERY low. I'm watching (or trying to) the gilmore girls (a show i actually like) and i can't concentrate... instead, i'm typing this???

Sunday, February 12, 2006

"on my way..."

So I had my first ultrasound on Thursday.... I got to the clinic and the receptionist asked for my name... I told her... she said "Oh, yes - you!" and a red bell went off in my head... i was thinking "if my name rings a bell to you, that can't be good??" anyways - turns out the clinic changed the ultrasound schedule... and the latest they'll do the ivf u/s now is 9:30 am. Great... now we have to leave home at 5:30 am LATEST to get there for 9:30am. Crazy. She said they tried to call me to reschedule the one on thursday but couldn't... so she confirmed the number they had for me, which was the right number, so really i have no idea what happened there...!! They obviously did my u/s anyways.

While waiting "my" nurse walked by and said "you're really on your way now! it's now!!" and I couldn't help but say "i've felt like that since my first injections on jan. 27th?" but i guess the puregon will do a whole lot more to me (as well as costing a whole lot more! crazy!!)

I get called for the u/s. The dr. opens my binder (aka patient file, but is now in a binder) and she says "oh, you're already being follow by another dr. for these?" I said "well, no - this is my first IVF u/s..." she couldn't find my prescription... and couldn't comprehend the notes in my binder apparently so she says "i'll be right back..." and apparently that translated to "i have no idea what the heck is going on and why you're here - so i'm going to drop off your "binder" to the dr. who last saw you... she may have a clue..." but of course ALL she said was "i'll be right back..." and she never came back.

The other dr. in question finally comes in (she was with another patient when the other dr. dropped off the binder) anyways... so she's trying to situate herself with my file/case... and she's asking me all these confused questions... "i've seen you before?? and did I suggest you change from IVM to IVF?? and then did you see anybody else? did you get a calendar?" and all along i was saying "Yes, I'm NOW doing IVF, I converted from IVM in Jan. and I was on the pill for a while, now i'm on injections as well....." (i had told the other dr. all this as well, but she was obviously not listening at all!) and finally the dr. had a "lightbulb moment" and she said "OH Ok... so this is your first IVF u/s and you have your calendar and everything!!" she said when the other dr. dropped off the file she thought "that name rings a bell, and really she seems like an intelligent woman and she woudln't be the kind to just assume that she could just start IVF without a calendar and such..." anyways - in the end it was kind of funny, but while waiting i was quite confused...!! (as you probably are, cause i'm guessing the above paragraph was hard to make sense of!)

U/S itself was good... the dr. said I had bled well (now, other than infertility patients... who has ever been told that??) and that it looks like i have many follicules, but they only count & measure at the next appointment.

Following the U/S I saw the nurse again (who I appreciate SO much!) and she showed me how to do the puregon injections... I love that this one is a pen - no more darn air bubbles to worry about!!!! BUT i have to say I have to "believe" that this is being done properly... It's MUCH easier with "normal" injections to know how much your injecting and such... but with this one, i just have to "trust the pen" in a way - and it's bugging me, for some reason. I KNOW it's all good - but still i stress...... because it wouldn't be normal if i didn't, i guess.

It also bugs me that i only have the right amount to get me to my next appointment... but to have more could be a waste of LOTS of money - and it makes no sense... it's just that i think i'd find comfort in knowing that IF something happens - i'm not out of luck... BUT i know that i'll be fine - and I KNOW that my clinic knows exactly what they're doing!!

So one more series of shots before my next appointment (is it a problem when you start counting days as "how many injections left??" instead of sleeps?) then it's an u/s where they'll count my follicules (i'm praying for LOADS!!) and I pray that I do NOT end up overstimulating my ovaries...... which i'm at a slightly high risk since I have PCO.

HAPPY THOUGHTS... this might work... this CAN work. this WILL work.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Out of patience. Completely.

I *think* i was feeling the effects of the injections this week... I had a melt down about how it seems that exactly this week I ran out of patience over this WHOLE journey... that everything sucked before - but now it's intolerable and as I said the words to my dh I realized that it was probably the effects of the injections - i've been on them since friday the 27th. Perhaps not - but seriously - it's weird to me that I can pinpoint when my patience ran out, don't you find? Usually things like that happen over time - not "this week" kind of thing... at least not for me. Anyways - shortly after this breakdown of mine I had a major hotflash - i was sweating.... which is another sign of the injections.

Other than that - i've had really bad headaches... but those i can manage with WAY easier than mood swings....

I went to church this morning because my MIL and SIL were being confirmed. I have been in a really odd mood - and I knew I probably should stay in bed... and sure enough, i felt like crying through most of the service... not sure why. And then there was a gathering and I told my husband i didn't want to go - but "they" all finally agreed to 10 minutes... and I almost burst into tears walking into the room. Today is just NOT a sociable day for me - and at these "things" I'm always meeting about a million people. NOT what i wanted today at all. Finally - after 30 seconds I told my dh that either we were leaving or I was walking back (not a far walk - but with all the rain we've had it wouldn't have been a comfortable walk...) Anyways - finally he realized i needed to leave.

We also got our bill this week... One lump sum - zero details... I found it kind of odd... anyways 8000$ for one attempt at a baby. We're not under financial stress at this point - we happened to have savings... so this isn't a big deal - although it still hurts. It still sucks. It's still weird. It doesn't seem "right".

I also have this overwhelming feeling of "this will NOT work" for some reason... and i have to stop doing that... i think it's because of the injections - i think it's playing a huge number on my mood/emotions... I wish it wasn't so - but something doesn't seem 'normal' so i'm going to 'blame' the injections. I also realize that this is most likely my defense mechanism... which is rediculous really. To be so certain it wont work - just so that I don't hurt as bad if it turns out to be true is crazy... I need to pray and hope with everything i've got that it does work. But then what if it doesn't? There's no "good way" to build a defense against this apparently...

I have to stop being so negative.......... this might work. this can work. It works for many people. We too can get a BFP.... we CAN.

[sorry for the depressing ramblings....]

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

100 Things.

My 100 Things.
After reading "One Half's from Stella and/or Ben" and her 100 things - I thought i'd write mine. Goodness it's not easy!!

  1. I'm a photographer.
  2. I'm a computer programmer.
  3. I'm a wife, sister, daughter, friend, cousin, niece, honorary aunt, godmother.
  4. I am taller than my husband
  5. I married a guy that fit the mold that i'd "never marry" He didn't speak french (he does now!) and he was shorter than me! (i got over that part)
  6. My mother tongue is french, but I grew up bilingual.
  7. I understand spanish and can speak it if i have to...
  8. I can't stand people who can only tolerate their "own" (such as french vs english in my area)
  9. I studied spanish in Guatemala for 5 weeks - but was very sick for 1/4 of that time.
  10. I have an intolerance to Asprin. I get sick.
  11. I am allergic to raw onions.
  12. I was married on a covered bridge.
  13. When I was a teenager and had incredibly low self esteem i swore i'd never have children. Now I have plenty of self esteem and I NEED to be a mother.
  14. I want 5+ children - but know that i probably will not have more than 4 and because of IVF might not even have 4.
  15. I'm from a family of 4 siblings.
  16. My parents grew up a mile apart and have always known each other.
  17. 3 cousins from my dad side married siblings on my moms side.
  18. I therefore have aunts on my mom's side that are cousins on my dad's side - and none of it is incest.
  19. I think I was ment to be born in the 1900 - I would love to live everyday just working the land and raising my family.
  20. I could never do without sanitary pads though - so the theory of the 1900s doesn't "really" work.
  21. I could also never have had children since my dh and I are 100% infertile the natural way - so again - that theory is out.
  22. I am incredibly thankful to be battling infertility in 2006... 10 or so years ago, we wouldn't even have had the possibility of having children together. I LOVE MODERN MEDICINE.
  23. I used to think that in-vitro was something that the terribly unlucky people had to live... those that were sick or had obvious reasons (like no periods or something). NEVER would I have believed i'd be "one of them" when all seems perfectly normal for us (and of course i now know that MOST OF US are "normal"!!).
  24. I love the smell of the darkroom chemicals even thought most would think it stinks.
  25. I love the smell of celery on my hands after having cut some.
  26. I hate shopping.
  27. I hate chocolate - I cannot eat it (exept for some things)
  28. I love coffee crips (go figure!)
  29. My favorite cake is chocolate cake.
  30. I come from a huge family and love it. My mom's from a family of 12, my dad of 9.
  31. I have 16 uncles
  32. I have 15 aunts
  33. I have 40 FIRST cousins
  34. I have 10 cousins that have a spouse.
  35. I have 11 babies/children "cousins" from all of those cousins that are obviously not first cousins - but it's just like if they were. 7 of those were unplanned/oops/a little earlier than planned babies.... isn't that uplifting when everybody related to you seems to get pregnant THAT easy - and we're struggling so badly... :(
  36. Our family parties often involve all of the above. I'm lucky that both sides of my family know each other well.
  37. We've had 3 accidental deaths on my dad's side: 2 car accidents & a drowning.
  38. I was in a horrific car accident that could have killed me in 1997.
  39. I broke my pelvis in 5 spots and took a while to recover - but I can walk/run. I'm a lucky woman.
  40. When I was at my smallest (119lbs following the accident) I thought I was fat - because I had no self esteem. Now i'm fat - and I don't feel fat because I have great self esteem.
  41. That's not QUITE true - these days I sometime feels fat - but NOT like I used to at all.
  42. I don't know how i'd live without the internet - but I'd LOVE to find out.
  43. I have an incredibly low pain tolerance and I often feel like a loser because of it.
  44. I wore braces for 4 yrs to try to get rid of my headaches. Turns out I needed glasses. BUT i would have an underbite had it not been for the braces, so in the end it was still worth it.
  45. I enjoy putting color highlights in my hair for fun
  46. I'm currently not putting color in my hair so that I can let it grow and then donate to locks of love.
  47. I currently seriously hope to allow myself to go grey when it happens. I like colour for fun - but I do not want to "have" to color my hair. I think women going grey are beautiful and should embrace it!
  48. I fully understand that between now and the time I do start going grey I might completely change my mind.
  49. I'm 26 - and i've never ever seen a gray hair on my head.
  50. My hair grows CRAZY fast (hence wanting to donate it to locks of love) and it's annoying since I like short hair but REFUSE to have my hair cut often. For ME - that would be money wasted.
  51. We are not vegetarians but I have finally convinced my husband that vegetarian cooking is good! I could go weeks without meat!
  52. I used to be allergic to milk. My older sister as well. The 2 oldest, on a dairy farm... imagine my poor parents having to buy milk substitute when they could have all the free milk they wanted.
  53. I cannot stand the term "partner" in relation to my husband. We are husband and wife, and I cannot understand how that can be offensive to anybody. My MIL uses that term all the time.
  54. I cannot comprehend that in today's society, in canada, we're still talking about a woman's right to chose.
  55. I'm incredibly pro-choice -- could you tell? :)
  56. I don't understand how so many people can get married without having discussed the basics of relationships. Divorce is SO high - and STILL people aren't asking themselves the right questions before walking down the aisle. Why?
  57. I believe that we are part of an incredibly selfish population that no longer understands compromise and I hope it's a phase.
  58. I know how to knit but have no patience for it.
  59. I do however have patience to work for HOURS on ONE photograph in the darkroom.
  60. I kept my maiden name and my children will only have by dh's last name.
  61. My mom kept her maiden name as well, and she and my dad have the same initials.
  62. I finally gave up coffee, although I drink tea like it's going out of style.
  63. I pray for 2 sets of twins (2 pregnancies) everyday.
  64. I wish I could travel all the time. I love home, I wouldn't move - but I'd like to be able to afford travelling.
  65. I'm almost always cold and i hate being cold. But worse than being cold, i hate being hot.
  66. I love thai food.
  67. I believe that I am incredibly lucky to have been born where I was born, to the family I was born into. I keep saying that I DO NOT want to come back as somebody else - because it could never be this good. Sure, parts suck - such as infertility - I wish I didn't have to deal with that - but my life, as a whole, is a lucky one filled with amazing things that I'm blessed to have.
  68. I love my culture - I think that I belong to a unique culture (QC) but I wish our culture was more colourful and had more tranditional dancing. (like indian for example!)
  69. Dunnottar Castle, near Stonehaven in Scotland is my favorite place in the whole wide world. We had "wedding photos" done there a year after our wedding!
  70. I LOVE rollercosters.
  71. I'm terrified of heights - more than anybody else I know (unfortunately...)
  72. I have a phobia of people touching my feet - anybody. I SCREAM. It actually hurts.
  73. No guns will be allowed in my home - in any form - not even toys. (I grew up that way also)
  74. My husband strongly believes that our "boys" that we don't have yet can make the NHL. Ha!
  75. I keep everything. It's horrible really. My office is a mess, my computer is a mess.
  76. I wear socks, really, because I live in Canada. If I could wear sandalls everyday - I'd be happy.
  77. I LOVE winter. (even if i have to wear socks!)
  78. I am completely in love with Winnie the Pooh. I will shock almost everybody I know when I do NOT put Winnie the pooh in the nursery.
  79. I will use cloth diapers. I'm not a tree hugger - but disposable diapers I have issues with for some reason.
  80. Nobody believes me when I say I will use cloth diapers, so at the very least - now i have to prove them wrong so they shut up. ha!HA!
  81. I have zero friends from highschool left - and that makes me happy. I have INCREDIBLE friends now, friends that i've now known for almost 10 yrs.
  82. I will NOT attend ANY high school reunion.
  83. I love the Gilmore Girls!!
  84. I hate bad parenting, and worse - I hate the assumption that because i do not have children I have no thoughts on parenting.
  85. I CANNOT stand the expression "you just wait and see...." I used to hear it before I was married - like I had NO idea what married life would be like, cause i wasn't married?! And I hear it all the time about having children too... a couple of "friends" of ours have completely different parenting techniques than I would EVER use and everytime he says "you just wait and see..." to me or my dh we always want to reply "No, YOU wait and see, and we'll show you that having children is A GOOD THING." ARh.
  86. I went from shooting film, to digital and back to film - professionaly. I LOVE FILM. I LOVE GRAIN.
  87. Besides portrait photography - if I could do ANYTHING in the world that I want - I would be a wildlife photographer.
  88. I hate the phone. I hate making phone calls, I hate leaving voice mails, I hate answering the phone. Not a good thing when you have a business.
  89. We are semi planning a 2-3 month trip for after we have our last baby. Probably on the ocean, maybe in newfoundland - rent a cottage and spend time as a family. If we keep it "local" we can bring the dog!! (local being driving distance <30>
  90. I'm a dog person. My dh is a cat person. We have one of each. (beagle & cat) We'd love another dog - but we like to take off too much, not that we often do anymore - but i could NOT impose 2 dogs on my family when they dog sit... they take our "over the top excited" dog without problem right now!
  91. I hope to be able to raise my children trilingual.
  92. My one living grandparent (my grandmother) has led such an amazing life - she SHOULD write a book about it. Her latest is having a full mastectomy for breast cancer after finding a lump while travelling in less than ideal conditions in Cuba. She had the lumb removed here though.
  93. I believe that my journey here has been drawn out, that there's a path - a destiny... but I believe that you must work hard to accomplish the building blocks of that journey to get to where you're supposed to be. To be lazy about it, in my opinion, does not allow you to live life to YOUR full potential.
  94. I believe it takes a village to raise children. I believe in community & family.
  95. I have never ever done drugs (although with all the injections these days it sure feels like i'm an addict.) my husband has also never done drugs. We've never even tried.
  96. I have NEVER smoked a cigarette... I would have I'm guessing, but my self esteem was SO low - i was terrified of choking to death and embarassing myself. Imagine?
  97. I have a goal to be a minimalist parent. I believe that babies are PEOPLE and do NOT need a million things to survive. We've got enough "stuff" as it is - I will aim to make the baby stuff be as little as possible.
  98. I have a best friend - the kind you only dream about when you're little... the kind that remind you of Anne of Green gables... The kind that is there through anything.
  99. I'm not scared of spiders. I do not like them - but i'm not scared of them. (kind of like needles!) BUT... I HATE/am terrified of mice and snakes.
  100. I am currently living in the house I will raise my children in and retire. My goal is to NEVER move again.

wow... and now you know 100 [mostly boring] things about me. Now.... write yours! :)