29 weeks.

and hysterical.

(ok, 29 weeks was yesterday)

I went to visit a friend yesterday... took our new (to us) mini van. 04 Sienna.

BACKED INTO A TREE. I caused quite a bit of damage - but that's not the biggest deal - my reaction to it all was. I was hysterical. I CANNOT handle these pregnancy hormones anymore... I had to go from my friends to pick up my dh at work - that's about 45 minutes drive - i cried the whole way... causing some contractions as well :(

I get to my dh's work.... I LOSE IT. I became hysterical - couldn't stop crying - could hardly breathe... all i could say was GET IN AND DRIVE because i didn't want to see anybody I know (we worked together) anyways - i couldn't calm down - i think i really freaked him out... and then... i had contractions that were painful and i couldn't stop :( it took about an hour after we got home for them to relax...

SELF INFLICTED CONTRACTIONS because my hormones sent me over the edge... Moral of the story..... RELAX when something "bad" happens... for the last few weeks my hormones have been SO out of wack - i can't stop crying ALL THE TIME... but i should have been able to control this - at least the major breakdown i had :(

My shower is on saturday - and a) i'm going to be a basket case for sure - i'll most likely cry most of the day... b) we have to take our GOLF vs our mini van... Nobody's seen the van yet - so it would be LOGICAL for us to bring it to show it off?? and....... why would we take our golf that we KNOW wont fit all the gifts when we now have a MINI VAN?? You better believe i'm not sharing this story with everybody - because it's FAR FAR FAR from being funny (i cried from 4pm to about 10pm last night and woke up a few times in the night nearly in tears as well...) if i can EVER laugh about this - it'll be years!!

arh.

29 weeks pregnant - way too hormonal for my own good - and very nauseous...

28 weeks.

OMG - the third trimester is officially here. I'm in my LAST trimester, the home stretch. OMG.

the nausea IS back... but not nearly as bad as the first trimester... i just put a load of laundry in the washing machine awhile ago and almost puked in it :( sitting - i'm doing better...

other than that - things are good. I still have some contractions - but not too bad.

We started our prenatal classes this past sunday - it was great... the best part is that my dh is starting to feel MUCH more confident about the whole thing... he's even more confident about cloth diapers because the instructor cloth diapered her twins and a few couples (expecting one baby!) are also planning on cloth diapering... i guess it made it seem more normal to him instead of just "my craziness" :)

Me on the other hand: still terrified of giving birth. I wish i could skip that part all together!!

On the project front, i'm still only half done my diaper bag - i tried yesterday to finish it and before i even started I felt too nauseous and had to stop :( On the baby blanket front though - i'm almost done - should be done the second one by the end of the week!! unfortunately i MUCH prefer the second blanket... but i'll get over it - the first one is also VERY nice!!

My dh is putting in an offer on a mini-van today... i haven't even seen it!! (and that's ok!) He's also most likely going to close on the jetta we're selling today or maybe tomorrow... :)

My "big" shower is less than 2 weeks away... I have a dilemna because dh's aunt is hosting a small one 2 weeks after that - and she now wants to invite my friends... my sister invited my friends as well - and that's "the" shower... she's putting lots of time and effort into it... but the downside is that it's in my home town - so it's far... (an hour for me - an hour and a half for most of my friends) ANYWAYS - I think it's kind of rude to invite these people to TWO showers - cause obviously they'll skip my sister's shower... although i don't even expect them to come regardless. OH THERE'S JUST NO WINNING...

Yesterday - I swear i was bit by the bitch bug... I was doing ok... took a nap from 1-3 in the afternoon and woke up I was SO mad at nothing and everything... and COULDN'T stop crying for no reason... it was like i had the WORSE hormone surge of my life in that short span of time... I got better once my dh got home, thankfully... AND he made us a campfire in the evening... we sat under the stars with the fire and a few citronella candles for 2+ hrs - it was nice :)

28 weeks pregnant... nauseated and i have strong heartburn... and it's ALL WORTH IT :) :) :)

3rd Trimester Nausea...

I think it's here. A week early. Today is day 4 in a row that i'm nauseous. Although the last 3 days it was only in the afternoon/evening. Today - it's MORNING.

I took a self portrait this morning - and probably moved too much or something... I feel aweful.

AND most of them are out of focus...!!



Just thought i'd share...

27 weeks.

today's been weird. well, maybe just hormonal. We're having friends over for diner - for the last time before the babies come - since they'll be gone to europe for the next 7 weeks... and i haven't managed to do much :( I did cook the potatoes fro the salad - which i think started my mood... the bag of potatoes SUCKED... (they were mostly rotten but looked good from the outside) other than that i was supposed to head out to get some burgers and stuff for diner (which is weird by itself - we haven't entertained much since IF - but i used to be about sit down home made meals... tonight: burgers and salads... which is FINE - but not very "me") anyways - i didn't want to go out... i FINALLY got dressed (well, i was dressed - but not decent enough to head out) and it started raining (alot!) I've also been dying to nap - i'm totally exhausted... anyways - i just talked to my dh... he said "i'll pick stuff up on the way home..." MUSIC TO MY EARS today! Now i can nap!

other than that i have this horrible pain - almost like chest pain - but i'm not sure if what's causing it - i think it's muscle. it hurts to move much and especially to pick up ANYTHING - but thankfully it doesn't hurt when i breath (when i have pain there it normally hurts to breath) hopefully it'll pass otherwise - i might be having a trip to the er...! great!

i'm one week away from my third trimester. OMG.

Last night I had a dream that our twins were two yrs old... and they were girls. First baby dream I have at all since the day before my very first u/s at 6w2d. that day i had a dream it was twins.

I got an invite to my mini baby shower (family on my dh's side which is tiny!) this morning... i got an invitation because my dh told them that a surprise was NOT an option... mostly because he knew i had to be mentally ready... My "big" shower is in about 3 weeks (long week-end) and that one is fine - it'll all be my family and some of his - but other showers will have people I hardly know... He knows i will feel uncomfortable - so he wanted me to be prepared... does he EVER know me!!

The part about that shower that stresses me the most out at this point is getting a ride with his mom to the shower (which is about an hour away) I've noticed that since i'm pregnant I feel quite uncomfortable with ANYBODY else driving me around other than my dh or myself. It's weird really - maybe it's just my hormones deciding to resurface about my car fears... (too many bad car accidents in my family to feel 100% comfortable in a car)

Oh - and thanks for the comments on the fabrics :) and no, i will not be selling slings... I have a business and I am one of those who typically takes on more than one can handle - and I KNOW I could get carried away with sewing projects - so i SWEAR never to sell any! ha!HA! I do however recommend baby wearing... slings of all price levels are available all over the web :)

27 weeks pregnant, and thinking it might be girls!

happy...

Yesterday I had an OB appointment - everything went well :) In 2 weeks I have an u/s, an OB apt, my 1hr Glucose test (that i'm nearly convinced i'll fail) and also I will probably get the RhoGAM shot... goodness!

and i'm HAPPY - because Jenny finally got her POSITIVE! YAHOO!!! I smiled all night because of it!

And i'm happy because yesterday after my OB appointment I went to a fantastic fabric store... I was in heaven! I bought some fabrics for some of my projects - just wanted to share - because I'm in love with them! (ok, strong word - but SO happy to have found them!!) I just wish the fabric store was closer to my home - then again - probably not since i kind of have to stop spending money! ALTHOUGH - these helped me SAVE money - so i'm happy...

First, I'm making 2 ring slings (if you're not sure what a ring sling is - check these incredibly beautiful/expensive ones www.oopababy.com)



Close up of the beautiful paisley - it's an accent on the sling...


And... these are for my diaper bag!!


close up of outside material...


On top of it I got good deals that i wasn't expecting - so that's always a bonus! The green material (which is a little brighter in real life!) was 2$/m :) and the brown material for my sling was 12.99 for THREE meters (buy one get 2 free!) YAHOO! My slings are costing me about 12$ each - when beautiful ones easily cost 80$CDN EACH!

My diaper bag is also cheaper than most diaper bags - but more importantly - i have issues with 99% of the diaper bags out there for some reason?! So - price wise it doesn't really compare - cause any other bag would have annoyed me i think! (ok - annoyed is a strong word!!)

Now... I should get to cutting my fabric! YAHOO!!

26 weeks.

and FINALLY the heat has broken. It's calling for NICE summer weather all week now instead of torture weather. I think perhaps i was wrong: maybe mother nature wasn't trying to kill me after well.

About my last post and my SIL - I should add that I REALLY don't care if she's there either way - the issue i have is her attitude that OF COURSE she'll be there. If in fact it means so much to her - then she should stay - that's the weird part. but enough about that.

I've been logging all my contractions/cramps - and i'm happy to say that i've had fewer since my dr. took me out of work than i had before that - so that's good. That means i'm doing someting right. Everytime i do a little more, my body tells me to slow down.

I found out on the week-end that one of my cousins is pregnant. My HONEST reaction was HAPPY. I was SO happy to hear... her and her dh will make wonderful parents. She's a year younger than I am and for a few months now had been "letting whatever happens happen"... AND THEN i thought "lucky bastards". but that was short lived - I am truly happy for them. For the FIRST TIME in THREE years I felt HAPPY that somebody in my circle was pregnant. As much as the IF pain is still SOOOOOOOOOO fresh and so very real - I realized that at least I had managed to seperate it from my every single thought. I can now have IF-free moments - and it SERIOUSLY surprised me. BUT - they're just moments still - i'm far far far from being free.

On the subject of IF... I read a reply to somebody's post that said that somebody she knows was telling people she got pregnant naturally even though she needed the help of Clomid. I've only been asked once if our twins were natural conception or not - and since it was via email i just never replied. BUT if somebody asks me straight out - I would say natural i think. NOT because I need to hide the fact that we did IVF - but frankly because it's NOBODY's business. I often wonder about how i'd answer if it came up. I'd personally want to YELL and SCREAM and run away. 99% of the time I get asked if twins run on my side or his side. I typically try to educate people and say "i have id twins on my side, but those don't count - since those happen to be an amazing fluke of nature. besides, if there were 10 sets of twins on my dh's side it wouldn't matter either because it has to be on MY side... and way more often than not it's completely not linked to genetics." Well - depends on how much i care about the person - cause i might just say "neither" to leave the conversation !! My dh said he's asked ALL the time too so he just says "her side" cause i do have twins on my side! ha!HA! Anyways - answering "doesn't matter - these are due to IVF" just doesn't seem right... then again - my blurb about twins makes me feel like i'm lying anyways - cause it wasn't natural. I swear - being asked which is basically ALL THE TIME - brings up the IF scar every single time.


On a more positive note - i'm 4/7th of the way done my baby blanket #1 - it looks great!!! can't wait to wrap a baby in it!! Although I have to say up until last night I thought I was done at 5 rows of square which would mean it's soon over - and then i realized it calls for SEVEN rows of squares... I could stop at 5 - but it would be square?! I'll keep knitting!!

26 weeks pregnant - and today the babies are kicking a little more - thank goodness!

37w2d?

Do you think i'll have my babies before then?

My gut feeling says "YES! who do you think you are thinking YOU'LL go further??" and part of me thinks "I SURE HOPE NOT!! I don't want to have these babies until 40 weeks - but i'm good with 38+"

Well... My SIL is going on a trip for most of October. She gets home when i'll be 37w2d. My dh is actually hurt... since he can't understand WHY she has to go THEN. (there's NO reason!) She keeps saying that she'll be home for sure and wont miss the birth... So maybe she knows something I don't? It's one of these "convincing herself of..." kind of thing - because i can't comprehend her confidence in this. I personally don't care if she's here either way - cause I seriously can't even think about it (i've got other stuff on my mind!)

The part I don't understand at all - is that her close friend delivered in June at 33w5d. Perfectly HEALTHY pregnancy - all of a sudden develops signs of pre-e and bang - steroid shots and emergency c-section. Those are things that are MORE common with twins - but she's 100% sure that's not happening to me. Good for you for being so confident - but um... i'm not THAT confident?

I was "sent home" from work at 24 weeks mostly because I'm showing signs that are a little more advanced than I should at this point... she knows this. She just booked her trip in the last few days - so she knew prior to actually booking. BUT i wont have my babies until 37w3d? (cause the day she gets back would still mean she misses it)

None of it actually matters - my sister wont be around when the babies come because she'll be on a 9 month contract out of province (she'll hopefully be able to come home a few times within the year to visit though!) but either way - she wont be here. She wishes she would be here - but she knew when she took the contract that she wouldn't be here for the birth and it's obviously FINE. My SIL can't shut up about the fact that SHE WILL BE HERE AT THE BIRTH. that's the part that makes this frustrating - cause SHE COULD HAVE STAYED HOME or gone on her trip earlier or later... again - it doesn't matter - BUT stop "convincing yourself" of lies, you know? (i know quite a few people who tend to live their lives that way - and i happen to be way more of a "matter of fact" kind of girl!!)

Weirdest part -- we were at my inlaws yesterday and my SIL had mentioned her trip and then had to leave... and I said "oct 26th means she'll most likely miss the birth" my MIL's reaction? "NO - she wont miss it - why would you say that?" WHAT? it was like I was lying or something... Everytime I say i'm due mid-november everybody tends to answer "yeah - but they'll come in October..." but APPARENTLY only after Oct. 27th. Sure.

Again - I HOPE she doesnt' miss it - because I want to make it to 38+ weeks.

Sorry for the vent - it bugs me mostly i think because it's bugging my dh so much :(

Other than that - thanks for the replies to my posts... yesterday I felt a HUGE amount of movement - which was quite reassuring!!!

** Oh, and by "being at the birth" I mean meeting the babies in their first hours of life - NOBODY but me, dh, our doula and the medical team will be AT the birth ;)

25 weeks.

Well, technically 25w1d, i didn't get around to posting yesterday.

Yesterday my husband and I met with HR at work... found out everything I needed to know... got forms... everything... it's so real. Then I actually went to work for a little bit to wrap things up and to finish cleaning/clearing my office. it's completely empty now!! Taking my photographs down made it so real... so final.

I also found out that my projects who were supposed to be handed over to a great analyst were handed over to somebody who can't do the job. I was terribly insulted... I know it doesn't matter: i'm GONE. BUT not only did they insult ME in this process by quite obviously implying that my work wasn't "that" important and can be done by THIS woman (which it CANNOT) but they seriously offended the girl who WAS supposed to take over my projects... because she KNOWS she'll have to be picking up the pieces ALL THE TIME - but for this other girls projects. It's SO insulting. I know my words probably don't make much sense here - I think it's a "you have to be here to know" kind of thing... anyways - again... it doesn't super mater to ME - i'm done. But that other girl is my friend, so it really really sucks.

It's weird to have a period of EIGHT years of your life closed.

Other than that - yesterday was a busy day and hot - and i hardly felt the babies move. I FINALLY felt them around 5 pm after drinking lots of orange juice and lying on my left side. I'm stressed out - cause it's now 10:30 and i've hardly felt them again... I might have to make a trip to the hospital :( Yesterday I was all over the map emotion wise - I couldn't stop crying over nothing and everything... I ran errands in the afternoon... for the LAST time alone. I've realized how having my dh with me helps A LOT... like not having to stand in line at cash registers for example - he'll deal with it while i find a bench or go to the car - seems rediculous and lazy - but i have a hard time standing still...

Heat wise - i'm dying. I'm BOYOND annoyed with mother nature. GOODNESS. It's so horrible... i can't wait for it to break. Yesterday it went up to 48oC with humidity. That's CRAZY discusting :( I've read that that could possibly be contributing to the sluggist babies - but STILL i'm stressed.

I have projects to do... things to accomplish... and really - right now - all i can do is pray i don't faint from the heat. My dh has a hockey game after work at 6:30 - so he wont be home until at least 8:30... so that's like 13 hours alone for me today... I made him take my car today too - cause it's got AC - so i'm stuck at home - but frankly there's no where i'd go. IF i feel like it i might call my MIL to see if she'd like to go to the beach later... we'll see.

I pitty people who took their holidays this week... I'd rather have taken them in the fall and been snowed in - that's how crappy this humity/heat is.

25 weeks pregnant and still praying for snow daily...